Annual Anagrams
America + Iraq = CIA REAM IRAQ
Rumsfeld = DR. FLUMES
Rumsfeld + Iraq = ALFRED SQUIRM
Bush + Rumsfeld = BLUSHED SMURF
Bush + Rice = U.S. BE RICH
Katrina = ANTI ARK
Gov. Arnold = VALOR DONG
Antonio Villaraigosa = A VAGINA SALON OIL RIOT
Mayor Antonio = AMATORY ONION
Tom LaBonge = A BONG MOTEL
Brad + Angelina = BAGEL AND RAIN
Tom Cruise = MR. SO CUTIE
Katie Holmes = LAME HOSE KIT
Tom Cruise = I, SO RECTUM
Katie Holmes = TOES LIKE HAM
Heath Ledger = THE LARGE HED
Kanye West = SWEET YANK
Conor Oberst = BORN TO SCORE
Arcade Fire = A DIRE FARCE
Sufjan Stevens = JESUS FAN VENTS
Fiona Apple = A POP FINALE
White Stripes = HE WRITES SPIT
= HER PIES TWIST

—Tom Christie (“ICE SHIT” MORT)

The Rogue Cetacean Death Squad
1. Shelly
2. Kelly
3. Jill
4. Noah
5. Tamara
6. Toni
7. Jackie
8. Elijah
Names of the Navy’s Advanced Biological Weapons Systems — bottle-nosed
dolphins trained in counter-terror methods and allegedly armed with toxic dart
guns — were accidentally freed into the Gulf of Mexico during Hurricane
Katrina.

—Bryan Gardiner

Lies of the Year
1. Thanks
2. Good to see you
3. Appreciate it
4. Funny — really funny
5. No problem
6. You’re welcome
7. Likewise
8. Sounds good
9. Bless you!
10. Rumsfeld

—Dave Shulman

American Freedom 2005
1. Showerless: 4 days
2. Sexless: 365 days
3. Sleepless: 40 hours
4. Hopeless: 15 days
5. Aimless: 213 days
6. Beardless: 293 days
7. Pointless: 40 hours
8. Timeless: 14 hours
9. Mindless: 6 hours
10. Listless: 355 days

—Dave Shulman