What do you do when you can't decide whether to eat a ham and cheese sandwich, a fried turkey leg, or a powdered jelly doughnut? You eat a Monte Cristo. This artery-clogging devil of sandwiches is the unholy union of all those things. It's like something you'd eat at a carnival, even down to the ridiculous, pseudo-royalty name. The only thing missing is the stick.

Cafe 50's vs. Junior's Deli?

The version at Cafe 50's on Santa Monica Blvd has turkey, ham, swiss and cheddar cheese on white bread. It is dipped in batter, deep fried then sprinkled with powdered sugar, and served with strawberry jam. When you bring the sandwich up to your mouth, the slightest inhalation sends the powdered sugar up your windpipe.

Will you feel ill afterwards? Yes. Deliciously ill. The question in this battle is which Monte Cristo makes you feel more so.

Both versions have approximately 1,435,908 calories per serving.

Both are crunchy, melty and salty (nicely cut by the sweetness of the jam and sugar), but the Junior's Deli version is heftier, hunkier, more deeply stratified with slices of ham and fresh roasted turkey. On the other hand, the Cafe 50's version is more thoroughly fried. So it depends on what makes you more sick: sheer size, or oil content.

Verdict: TIE.

Personally, I still have leftovers of the Junior's Deli Monte Cristo languishing in my fridge. In the end, perhaps Junior's wins, because its Monte Cristo comes back to get you several days later.

Junior's Deli's version of the Monte Cristo

Junior's Deli's version of the Monte Cristo

LA Weekly