Everyone has nightmarish tales of particularly bad customer service. The problem for customer service offenders is that now the Internet allows such tales to become viral. People of color getting receipts with racial slurs on them has become so common that it's old hat. This week's trending customer service catastrophe? Let's set the scene…

Mom comes to pick you up after a hard game of volleyball or whatever it is you played during high school. Because it's a special day of the week, she decides that you aren't going straight home. You're going to get some food. You stop off to eat at the local Burger King, when mom notices something strange in her burger; namely, a cock.

Fortunately for mom, this isn't an actual, physical cock. Rather, it's a crude pictograph of a cock, the kind that has graced bathroom stalls and study hall desks since time immemorial. Mom isn't the least bit pleased and lodges a complaint before going to the local media.

This nightmare, which would rock just about every family to its very core, happened in Australia exactly as described. Except for the part about going to Burger King, as that restaurant is called “Hungry Jack's” in the Land of Oz for reasons too obscure to warrant explanation. Otherwise, the above is a pitch perfect description of what transpired when a simple woman took her family out for a simple meal and was told by the employees to eat a dick.

Wanna see it? Click here.

Toowoomba — a city, not the band who recorded “Tubthumping” — is the home of Kylie Steger, a simple mother with a penchant for shirts bearing her own name over the left breast. Steger said that the drawing made her “literally sick,” which is an entirely appropriate response to a drawing of a cock with all the artistic realism of a Ren & Stimpy cartoon. Further, she poses a crucial question, pondering what the workers could have done with her burger either before or after they drew a sweaty, veiny dong on the inside of the box.

On the up side, at least the simple Steger children, who doubtless have no idea what a penis is, were not the ones served the offending burger box.

For their part, Hungry Jack's has responded to the event with all due diligence. They have announced a full-scale investigation into the real facts of what is already being called “Weinergate 2.0” in many circles in the international press.

The company has promised Mrs. Steger, the community of Toowoomba, and Hungry Jack shareholders that it will not rest until the person who scribbled a cock inside a hamburger box is found out and brought to justice. We commend Hungry Jack's for treating this event with all the weight and severity that a sketch of a dick deserves.

LA Weekly