Of all possible media outlets, Schwarzenegger mistress Mildred “Patty” Baena has chosen to speak with England's Hello Magazine for her much-anticipated coming-out interview. (She's been hiding out since news of her love child with the former California governor broke to the Los Angeles Times/RadarOnline in May, much to the disappointment of bleary-eyed news crews camped outside her Arnold-bought Bakersfield home.)

The interview is everything we hoped it'd be:

Stories from inside the Schwarzenegger love den, big groomed photos of the mini-Governator and proof he turned out way chiller than any of the adults involved. Thank god. The resemblance is striking:

Credit: Hello Magazine

Credit: Hello Magazine

Guess there's no harm in running the MySpace versions now, both of which prominently showcase Joseph's unmistakable Schwarzenegger gaptooth:

Credit: MySpace

Credit: MySpace

Joseph appears to be totally cool with the news that he's now a celebrity for life, and mostly just wants to hang out with that one superhuman action-hero dude every kid wishes were his dad:

When his grandmother sat him down one year ago to explain that Arnold Schwarzenegger was his father, he exclaimed: “Cool!”.

And his mother said the young boy is looking forward to building a relationship with the former Hollywood star.

Things are actually looking pretty up for little Joseph — he's old enough to grapple this whole “Arnold Schwarzenegger porked my ma” concept, he's financially set for the life of a baller and no middle-school bully would dare come near his developing Muscle Beach guns. A modern-day Hercules, indeed!

“Patty” speaks very highly of Maria Shriver in the interview, calling her “strong” and explaining that when Shriver found out about Joseph's true father, she told the housekeeper to “get off her knees.” Then they apparently hugged it out while Patty sobbed about how “it wasn't Arnie's fault, that it takes two.”

We're relieved to see Shriver wasn't completely blind to Joseph's ridiculous resemblance to her husband:

She also revealed that Marie Shriver, Arnold's now ex-wife, had started to put two and two together when she heard whispers in the household about the pair's similarity.

“She would say things like, “I'm here if you need to talk.” I sensed something was up. I have so much love and respect for Maria.

“Finally, she asked point blank.”

That there was ever any doubt at all is the only surprising part. Now that time has begun to heal the Inseminator's insatiable appetite into more of a laughingstock than a shame campaign (even Shriver might be cracking a small grin at this point), we're mostly just hoping for a “Star Wars”-like “I am your father” scene, featuring Joseph, in the next Ahnold flick. In fact, we're demanding it.


LA Weekly