While on a date at the Griffith Observatory this past Saturday, North Hollywood resident Mark Maloni impressed his date with a vast array of knowledge regarding our universe – or so she thought. Maloni later admitted that he was, indeed, “faking it.”
“Oh yeah, I don't know anything about space or whatever,” Maloni admitted. “But I couldn't let her know that. She's like, really cute.”
Throughout the duo's visit to the L.A. landmark, Maloni used words such as “light-year,” “star pattern” and “camera obscura” with a seeming level of confidence so high that his companion couldn't possibly doubt that he knew what he was talking about. This effort, coupled with Maloni's ability to read exhibit plaques from a notable distance, made it appear as though he had been studying astronomy for years.
Maloni said that while he did not strategize in advance, he can “figure out this kind of thing” when he needs to. He further demonstrated this ability when, on the roof of the building gazing at stars, Maloni stealthily listened to an observatory employee pointing out various constellations, then restated the information to his date moments later.
Maloni's cover was almost blown when, in front of the facility's Cosmic Connection corridor, his date began to discuss the Big Bang, going so far as to cite recently discovered evidence of ripples in space. Maloni quickly salvaged the moment by nodding decisively and adding, “And think about how much more we still don't know.”
Maloni was relieved when the two went to the planetarium to see Centered in the Universe. “Finally, someone else had to talk about all that stuff,” he recalled. Afterward, when asked by his date what he thought of the show, Maloni replied, “It was very cosmic.”
Maloni's date has responded with immediate retribution, unfriending Maloni on Facebook and reporting him to OKCupid customer service. “I am glad that Mr. Maloni is being exposed for the fraud that he is,” she said in a statement released by her attorney. “Plus I totally knew the whole time.”
Maloni now is preparing for an upcoming date at LACMA by Googling “art.”
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