So you bought a $4 million Malibu beach house for the private coastal access and the amazing view …
Except that your alleged private beach has a 35 foot, 40,000-pound invader really stinking up the place.
And it's so big and rotting that there's no good way to get rid of it. Welcome to paradise:
The fin whale washed ashore in the Little Dume section of Malibu, possibly after it was hit by a boat, and was discovered Monday.
And there she sits, rotting and stinking the place up.
Part of the problem when it comes to possible removal, Los Angeles County Fire Department Inspector Brian Riley tells the Weekly, is that the whale is so big it would difficult to get appropriate equipment in the area to haul it out.
That and it's decomposing and would probably fall apart if a tug boat tried to pull it back out to sea, he said.
For that last reason authorities are leaning toward bringing heavy equipment to the beach — a crane and tractor, possibly — and scooping it up, Riley said.
But even that will be a pain: Recent high tides are too high, Riley says, and the soonest low tides low enough to give apropos dry land to the operation happen next week … in the middle of the night.
Not only that, but the removal would have to coordinated among three agencies — state wildlife, county beaches and harbors and the fire department/lifeguards.
So for now you'll just have to hold your breath.
[Update at 3:36 p.m. Sunday]: Looks like wealthy locals took matters into their own hands. They reportedly hired a private firm and did what officials said couldn't be done — pulled the carcass back out to sea yesterday.
Done and done.