We sometimes relish the salty sting of L.A.'s poor-performing ways when it comes to city rankings that range from traffic to penis size.

We can take it.

But we have to call b.s. on this particular list.

The Daily Beast's latest “America's Drunkest Cities” roundup, just published, does not even put L.A. on the map.

You got that right, as amateurs from the Westside to the San Gabriel Valley anticipate the drunk-tard national holiday known as New Year's Eve …

… L.A. did not even make this list of Top 25 lush-towns.

We did not rate as high as Springfield, Mass. (No. 2?), Reno, Nev. (No. 4?) or Norfolk, Va. (No. 24).

So what the hell were they drinking, smoking, or snorting over there at the Beast

This is L.A., baby, America's celebrity party town, home of the velvet rope, Lindsay Lohan, and Andy Dick. Republicans even get in trouble when they drink here.

We're sure longtime Weekly nightlife expert Lina Lecaro could school you on our lively scene and precious dive bars.

Sure, we don't have the Irish pub history of (No. 1) Boston or the empty “alt-country” bars of (No. 7) Austin, Tex. Our bartenders aren't wearing arm garters and sporting Rollie Fingers 'staches like they are in downtown Manhattan (which didn't rank, either). Yes, our drinks are overpriced and our venues are douchy.

But we can toss 'em back with the best of them.

And the Beast left out one oft-overlooked element: Latinos.

If Latinos drank more we'd be fish. And one out of every two of us in L.A. County is Latino. It's a common, out-of-towner's mistake to assume L.A. is only about Playboy bunnies and Hollywood pretty boys and that those of us who are of Mexican descent are just background noise (and valets).

Can you imagine a heavily Irish big city like Boston being left off this list?

Well, Mexicans are the Irish of Latin America. And some of us sad mutts are Irish and Mexican (leprecanos, per Gustavo Arellano).

Yes, we have bars. With guys dressed up as cowboys who yell, ay, ay, yay, arriba! And stuff.

Didn't you see Collateral?


[@dennisjromero / djromero@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

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