This past weekend, Houston was host city of the NBA All-Star Game, which means that Houston was the center of the rap and basketball universe. I live in Houston, and I was able to go to some of the things.
Plenty of smarter people have already written about the terribleness of Ne-Yo's performance or the terribleness of Alicia Keys' performance (at the game, I mean). But beyond that here are a humorous observations in the “Like, I Mean” style:
++Drake is maybe the most excitable person on the planet. Everything that happens around him is, it would appear, THE GREATEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ANYONE. And that is positively wonderful to watch happen IRL. Like, I mean, I've been to maybe every Drake concert in Houston since 2009, and he's always seemed pleased with his existence. (This is particularly evident when he does the thing at the end of the show where he points to people in the audience and makes small talk with them: “Hey, you. Yeah, you. Asian lady. You're looking good in that dress, Asian lady.”) But that shit is magnified by a billion when he's just walking around talking to people. He is everyone's favorite chillbro (except that he's an excitebro). Love.
++Big Sean is tiny. Like, I mean, he's not teeny-tiny — he's no Kendrick Lamar. But it's safe to assume he's never dominated the post in a basketball game.
++R. Kelly was poking around places (he performed at Michael Jordan's 50th Birthday Party party at the Museum of Fine Arts). He looks EXACTLY like you'd hope an aging R&B superhero would look, which is to say sticky but still healthy.
++That thing about women trying to hunt down celebrities just to have sex with them is all the way true. Like, I mean, I'd always assumed that, yeah, it was at least a little true, but mostly an exaggeration. But nope. That shit is FOR REAL. So much so that when rap writer Henry Adaso (Houstonian, alpha male African) found himself in an elevator with rapper Meek Mill at a hotel. Adaso asked him what floor he was staying on — so he could push the button for him, because he is totes a gentleman — but Mill wouldn't give it to him. I prayedPrayedPRAYED to accident into Mill sometime later so I could ask* him if he thought Adaso wanted to have sex with him (Adaso did not), but alas, that never happened.
*I have to assume that, had I actually come across Mill, I very likely would not have done anything beyond make eye contact, mumble something, then walk away. My life.
++The most understated All-Star Game-related joke tweet came from blogger Mobb Deen, He posted this screenshot from the game of 2 Chainz talking to NBA star Russell Westbrook, Drake HAVING THE GREATEST CONVERSATION EVER CONVERSATED with NBA superduperstar Kevin Durant, and Sad J. Cole in the background (I'm guessing) wishing a wish.
The accompanying text: “This is what happens when you don't make dope singles…”
Poor J. Cole.
++This doesn't have anything to do specifically All-Star weekend, but it happened during All-Star weekend, so it counts: On Saturday morning, I walked to the corner store down the street from my house. About two-thirds of the way there, I saw two birds and a cat engaged in a bit of a tiff. I don't know what that cat did to those birds, but there were FUCKING PISSED. They just kept dive-bombing him over and over and over. I wanted to help, but who am I to interrupt the natural order. Like, I mean, is a cat that can't fight off two birds even a cat?
++There is a very large mall in Houston called The Galleria. Like, I mean, it has always been a popular destination, but this past weekend it was especially so, because walking around inside of it was like walking around inside of your TV's ESPN and MTV stations. It was kind of surreal, and a little ridiculous. To wit: By Saturday night, everyone realized that that's where all of the famous people were spending their unscheduled minutes, so EVERYONE went there. (For scale: Here's a shot of the mall during a regular Christmas season. Here's a shot from this past Saturday.) The mall was eventually shut down, and police were called in to help with the large crowd. Love.
++But, like, I mean, for real, Drake is the best. Infinite happy faces.