Updated after the jump: Lohan has been granted a restraining order against the man, identified as David Cocordan. Apparently he's sent her over 100 violent/sexual texts, leaves chocolates on her porch and thinks they're in a relationship. Gross. Originally posted May 16 at 4:20 p.m.

Oops. Maybe we shouldn't have gone and posted the exact address of a certain celebrity drama magnet when she made the big move from WeHo to Venice this January. (You're welcome, stalkers!) Looks like the wrong creep may have gotten a hold of it:

Perpetual hot mess Lindsay Lohan Tweets the above photo of her alleged stalker today, accompanied by the following freakout:

“This is the freemason stalker that has been threatening to kill me- while he is TRESPASSING! im actually scared now- the blood in the 'cults' book was too much- all my fans, my supporters, please stand by me. g-d bless xxL”

Couple questions:

1. What the hell is a freemason? (We're guessing you don't mean “a member of the Free and Accepted Masons, an international fraternal and charitable organization with secret rites and signs” or “a member of a guild of skilled itinerant masons during the Middle Ages.”)

2. What are we supposed to do, form a human barracade or something?

3. Are you sure that's not the gardener? Or the guy from “Hot Tub Time Machine”?

4. “Cults” book… “Kills” concert… Sure you're not asking for a little horror-story up in your restless diva lifestyle? Now that the Case of the Missing Necklace is wrapping up and all.

The LAPD's Pacific Division says it hasn't received any police report of the sort, so uh… If death threats have indeed been made, we recommend Lindsay start by contacting 911 instead of her collective “fans.” Just a thought.

Oh god -- not you again.; Credit: The Hollywood Gossip

Oh god — not you again.; Credit: The Hollywood Gossip

Update: TMZ got its greedy little paws on Lohan's court papers (no, not those ones) today, and they're filled with all sorts of disturbing details about the man in the surveillance Twitpic, reportedly named David Cocordan. An excerpt:

“Mr. Cocordan has repeatedly attempted to contact me, by unwanted and unsolicited phone calls and text messages numbering over one hundred, in which he has expressed delusional thoughts and irrational feelings about his belief that we are in a relationship. In the last four weeks, Mr. Cocordan's behavior has escalated significantly, and he has come to my private residence at least three different times and has left me packaged containing a heart shaped box of chocolates and extensive magazine articles about me with Mr. Cocordan's name written into the articles as if they were about the two of us. Mr. Cocordan has followed me to at least two public appearances, and threatened to move close to me in his repeated texts.”

Kind of like… how you moved in next door to your ex-girlfriend, completely against her will? (Just sayin'.)

The document's second section is a definitive collection of Best of Creepy Cocordan texts, each one spiraling further into complete psychodom:

“I'm glad we're engaged.”

“Hey my tatttoo artist Amy is on LA Ink she did my Lindsay tatto my design”

“I'm on my way to bring u something I hope youll grant me a reception im still coming over even though ur now coming over i cant help it and I want to see u today kkk :)”

“ill be to you with luggage will stop over with ur chocolates hour hollywood reporter scientology 0-8 book and blue topaz sterling silver ring before that probably at the start of anklet confinement and I'm not mad at ur brother :D”

“Did u get all the stuff i threw over ur back gate friday the sheriff told me everythings going to be ok when i was in ur court room i saw u and ur dad did u see me??”

“It's David… I love you and want to have dinner on abbot kinny when I move there or sooner don't know exactly where I'll be staying but maybe even on [my street]”

Then, in section three, the clincher:

“Fucking n sucking wit u kkk i need it more thn.”

Poor girl. The restraining-order request, which was quickly granted (for obvious reasons), goes on to explain that Detective Jeff Dun with the LAPD's Threat Management Unit has interviewed the stalker, and determined that schizophrenic voices in his head are “[directing] him to interact” with Lohan. We're mostly just left wondering how he got her number — and why, after two years of this nightmare, she still hasn't changed it. But in any case… Dude: Go away.


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