Anybody's who's ever watched Saturday Night Live's “Weekend Update” and reads this column knows the flamboyant nightlife reporter, Stefon (played by Bill Hader), and yours truly have similar sensibilities when it comes to colorful clubbing. Midget pirate parties … white trash drag queen hoedowns … muppet-clad boy toys … you get the idea. The difference is our picks for wild L.A. haps are 100% real. You can't make this stuff up! Christmas brings even more opportunities for subversive merriment and this week is a jolly and jammin' example. Here, the raging-est reindeer games.

Fri., Dec. 16

Dance Bitch!'s 5th Annual Tijuana Christmas Party offers an extra fierce Feliz Navidad, with Mexican-themed gayness and merriment including a “Vato Claus,” muchos “los gogo's” a special Tijuana Christmas Donkey Show (ay caramba!), a taco toss and more. Billy Francesca hosts and DJ*B spins caliente Christmas and dance pop. Bring an unwrapped toy for West Hollywood's Annual Toy Drive and get in with no cover! Also, Christmas-y costumes and drag get in free. 7994 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood.

Sat., Dec. 17

Hang The DJs & Club Underground return to the Echo (part of the club's continuing 10-year anniversary events) for an indie dance Christmas party featuring Hang's Scarlett Casanova and Melanie Marquez (Am/ Fm) decking the dance floor with grooviness along with Underground's Diana M. and Larry G. plus birthday boys Bip Jeffington (Bang!) and Aaron Castle. Special performance by Yip Deceiver (featuring members of Of Montreal). 1822 W. Sunset Blvd.

At Studio 69's 2nd Annual Kinky Christmas, host Perish Dignam aka “Perish Claus” has goodies galore in store: indoor snow machines, full size Santa-sleighs and photobooth, lights, trees, Grinches, naughty Santas, evil elves, sexy Santa girls, candy cane girls and more. They also promise producers mixing brand new Khristmas Dubstep & Electro Remixes. See Facebook invite for location and more info:

Tues., Dec. 18

More sexy stocking stuffers to unwrap at Mr. Black's Christmas Party: namely a DJ set by Traci Lords and dynamic duo Aaron & Aaron (NYC), plus resident Josh Peace. Bring some mistletoe for the butt-baring waiters. At Bardot, 1737 Vine St., Hollywood

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