Because… that would make you at least an acquaintance of a naked man who fondles himself at Centro De Alegria Day Care on Sundays.

But LAPD officers are still asking you to come forward — if you dare! — to help pin down his identity, as sexual deviants who forcefully enter preschools and rub (creative) ones out in the lobby are not the kind of dudes you want roaming free in the neighborhood. In this case, the peaceful part of Boyle Heights, at 420 North Soto Street.

As far as police-released surveillance footage goes (LAPD TV, baby!), this gem certainly falls on the entertaining side of the law — unless your child attends Centro De Alegria; in which case, we're very sorry — and even if all the real good bits are obscured into oblivion with the censor tool:

If you're at work, let us narrate: Nude Intruder drops his drawers, has some fun with his frontal appendages (and those in the rear, from the looks of things) and lollygags in drunken circles around the room before running down the hall, out of the frame (where lord only knows what goes down). When he returns, Intruder begins to engage in some shenanigans with a “Wet Floor” sign — at which point the video strategically cuts out. Of course.

The footage is from Sunday, March 6 at around 3 p.m., but police say a similar incident occurred on Sunday, November 14. On both occasions, in addition to getting himself off, the suspect allegedly stole various valuables from the day care, including money and keys.

LAPD spokesman Richard French described the scene to City News Service:

“After committing the burglary, but before leaving the school, the suspect can be seen taking off his clothing, masturbating and engaging in strange sexual behavior while parading around the lobby.”

Nice. If you do recognize the guy, call 1-877-ASK-LAPD. Then you might consider making some new friends. Just a thought.


LA Weekly