Bet you thought that piss bucket students used at El Camino High yesterday (pictured, click to enlarge) was totally DIY, right?
Not even. Los Angeles Unified School District officials tell the LA Times this morning that classrooms on lockdown during both the La Gardena shooting and the El Camino shooting were 100 percent equipped for hours-long confinement.
The official Lockdown Kit includes the bucket, which we totally thought was a trash can, a toilet seat, disposable vinyl gloves — even duct tape. There's only one thing missing:
A little side-note we like to call sustenance.
That's right. Nowhere in the 13-item kit is anything remotely edible. (Unless you count “Band-Aid Dressing,” which could maybe taste a little like Thousand Island if you closed your eyes real tight and thought about how much it would suck to get shot on a mad dash to the vending machine.)
And the kids stuck in their El Camino classrooms for upward of six hours yesterday were hungry as hell, judging by the Tweet flurry exploding from within the parameters of the crime scene. And come on, these are Valley darlings — their mothers have never let them miss a home-cooked meal in their lives. Theirs was real pain yesterday.
And here, some heartbreaking evidence that the kit needs some freaking granola bars, at the very least:
According to the Times, the lockdown kits currently kept in every classroom — as the district promises — go for $75 a pop, including 30 blankets. (But “the value: priceless.” Har har.)
[District spokesman Robert Alaniz] said the kits should have been in every classroom at both schools, and it appeared some students made use of them at El Camino Real High in Woodland Hills, where a school police officer was wounded off campus, and at Gardena High, where two students were injured Tuesday when a gun accidentally discharged in class.
Law enforcement-ordered lockdowns kept students in classrooms and gyms for hours.
We've got a better idea. How about this “deluxe” kit from Guardian Survival, which retails for only $69 — hey, the kids'll get a kick out of that one — and includes 30 2,400-Calorie Food Bars so we don't have another starving-suburbanite situation on our hands?
Other perks to the Guardian kit, as opposed to that frumpy ol' LAUSD clunker: Flashlight includes built-in AM/FM Radio, Siren and Cell Phone Charger — again, points with Gen LOL — and a 12-Hour Emergency Bright Stick for hosting a makeshift rave instead of screening “Back to the Future” like the uncoolest of old people.
You're welcome, kids; we just found you the bombest lockdown kit of all time. Now try not to have any more shootings, please; you're giving us the willies.