So you came to America to cut our grass, change our babies' diapers and wash our dishes for shite money. You suck. You bought a shite car but couldn't get a frigging drivers license because ex-Gov. Arnold, in his infinite wisdom, said if you can't prove you're here legally you can't legally be driving. (But you better make sure you're on time to that house-cleaning appointment. And don't take Wilshire Boulevard).

Then the LAPD took your shite car when they caught you driving without the frigging license Arnold wouldn't let you have. But wait, there's hope:

You can find your shite car on the just-revamped L.A. Official Police Garage website and buy it again for probably less than you paid for it the first time. What a country!

The Official Police Garages this week unveiled their new auction site so that you, the public, can all get your cars back with such convenient touches as search-by-make-and-model function. (You can actually search your car by plate number, here).

“These auctions give the public the opportunity of purchasing vehicles at reduced prices and enable the City of Los Angeles to recoup fees owed to them,” reads a statement from the OPGs.


But seriously, this is actually halfway cool. We always thought these auctions were closed to dealers. Turns out you can take advantage of the car-seizing culture in Los Angeles by getting a great deal on a crap car.

And crap cars they are. Here's a tip, Juanito: Try to get a nice, new car when you get across the border. Because from our cursory search of the site, it looks to us like cops seem to take older — yes, shite — cars by the dozen.

Not one Porsche.

So, you down with OPG?

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