Update: A record high of 91 was set in the San Gabriel Valley today. (As well as highs in the upper 80s at LAX and UCLA.) Pity party at our house!

Los Angeles journalists think any shift in the weather is breaking news. If it's cold, you can expect a wave of “Jack Frost possibly nips Hollywood sign!” stories or grim rain-damage estimates; if it's warm, every L.A. rag will run an obligatory “it's freaking gorgeous out” piece, usually about 1/4 whine and 3/4 brag.

That's cool and all. Every city has its little ways of obsessing over itself. But the average Joe with the lead quote in today's LA Daily News article on the freaking gorgeousness of this mid-80s January afternoon just took our first-world problems to whole new heights of A-hole:

“I think it sucks,” Rick Herst, a middle-aged West Hills resident, tells the paper. “I really do think there's global warming. I'm very tired of it being constantly warm.”

Dude. Maybe we're just really bitter to be staring out our office window right now at the painfully perfect, sunny-ass day outside — while the air conditioner bores down on us like an evil import from New York Shitty — but regardless. Could you spit on our gracious weather gods a little harder there? Could you make us look a little more like spoiled Valley brats riding around in room-temperature bubbles until our brains have turnt to Kardashian mush?

Global warming is a baby polar bear drowning on his sad baby iceberg out in the Atlantic. Global warming is a ruthless hurricane ripping some poor fisherman's village to shreds. Global warming is not a lovely 87-degree Wednesday on which you are forced to wear shorts instead of pants.

“It's too hot,” Herst concludes. “We're going to sell our house and leave the state.”

Because getting your tongue stuck on a frozen pole or your house ripped up by a midwestern tornado is somehow preferable to a light sweat in January. Grumps these days!

[@simone_electra / swilson@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

LA Weekly