Never thought we'd see the day.

The Los Angeles County Department of Health is funding a contest called “L.A.'s Next Sex Symbol,” in which any old struggling artist is invited to submit a condom-package design to appear on “1 million and one” free, county-issued condoms this year.

Too good to be true?

The contest's “rules and regulations” do drag on about as long as an Apple service agreement, and do include such buzzkills as “you must be 18 years of age or older” and “entries that are considered obscene or vulgar will also be disqualified” and “design submissions cannot infringe on trademarks, including … the Los Angeles City Hall building.” (Totally stole our idea.)

But the designs in the inspiration gallery get suggestive enough, with images of genie lamps and theater tickets and whatever the hell this is, so we're thinking contest officiators won't be total squares about it.

And it's such a good cause, argues the Public Health presser:

“An estimated 2,000 new HIV infections occur annually in L.A. County. Last year, the Department reported more than 47,500 new cases of chlamydia, more than 9,500 new cases of gonorrhea and nearly 1,800 new cases of syphilis.”

Hence the million-and-one free condoms the county is hoping to hand out this 2012. Maybe you'll even see your design on a newly regulated porn star!

What we really want to know is which county geniuses (or, we suppose, outside marketers) are responsible for this amazing media drive, which looks like something a greasy Vegas promoter would slip us to make us feel V.I.P.-pretty and super committed to their special club. Seriously — the pecks on the “Next Sex Symbol” banner look like they're about to declare sovereignty.

Credit: "The Official Los Angeles Condom" via Facebook

Credit: “The Official Los Angeles Condom” via Facebook

So, since you're out of work anyway, time to perv out, L.A. art majors! Submit your designs here. Or, if you're more into judging and clicking and stuff, vote on your favorites here.

Might we suggest Flickr's creative commons for some hipster-condom source material? Rainbow popsicles and mayonnaisey hot dogs abound.

[@simone_electra / / @LAWeeklyNews]

LA Weekly