Often, the best (i.e. worst) stuff you hear at red carpet events comes not from the red carpet but from that angry, roiling, elbow-jabbing, toe-smashing little slice of hell known as the reporters' pit.

Take the recent launch of the Kardashian Kollection at the Hamptons-themed The Colony nightclub in Hollywood. For those of you with better things to do than keep track of the manifold projects of reality TV stars, the Kardashian Kollection is sisters Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, Kylie and mother Kris Kardashian's new “exclusive to Sears” fashion line.

Here is a small sampling of what you'd overhear. Welcome to the other side of the velvet rope.

Kris Kardashian: mother, svengali, entrepreneur

Kris Kardashian: mother, svengali, entrepreneur

9. “Hi Kris! So good to see you! When are you coming out with a Kardashian tampon?”

–magazine reporter to herself, pretending to interview Kris Kardashian

Khloe "Stop Calling Me Fat" Kardashian

Khloe “Stop Calling Me Fat” Kardashian

8. “Jesus. When is she gonna come down here? She just keeps talking and talking. It's not like this is a red carpet for Madonna. Or Lady Gaga, or someone who actually matters.”

–reporter, anxiously waiting her turn to interview Kris Kardashian

Kris' legs. Assume the position.

Kris' legs. Assume the position.

7. “What the fuck am I doing here?”

–news magazine reporter, to no one in particular

Et tu, CNN?

Et tu, CNN?

6. “Who are these two? What are their names?”


“I don't know. Does it matter?”

–other reporter

(These are actually the two youngest Kardashians: Kylie Jenner in the black dress, and Kendall Jenner in the white dress.)

Reality TV star Aubrey O'Day

Reality TV star Aubrey O'Day

5. “I can smell your spray tan from here.”

–magazine reporter, concerning Aubrey O'Day

4. “Where are her nipples?”

–same magazine reporter, also concerning O'Day

Melissa Rycroft, reality TV star

Melissa Rycroft, reality TV star

3. “Oh my god, did you hear her? She compared it to the Royal Wedding. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't laugh.”

–reporter, immediately after interviewing former The Bachelor reality TV personality Melissa Rycroft about Kim Kardashian's wedding. And no, it wasn't the reporter from Inside Edition.

2. “What the fuck does she mean she doesn't want to talk about her personal life? That's all she does on national TV is talk about her personal life.”

–reporter, on Rycroft

That famous butt!

That famous butt!

1. “I'm coming back.”

–Kim Kardashian, to reporters, as she enters night club

“She's not coming back.”

–TV reporter, hoping for an on-camera interview

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