First a swarm of temblors rocked the California desert Monday night, prompting the Los Angeles Fire Department to go into “earthquake mode.” Now there's news that a beloved Jesus statue (known by locals as “Touchdown Jesus,” no less) was struck by lightning and burned to the ground. It was our tribute to God's own son. What's next? Are we going to learn that Pat Robertson is a bathroom toe tapper? God is mad at us, America.

The six-story statue in Monroe, Ohio burned to the ground and even sparked a blaze at an adjacent church amphitheater before firefighters got the upper hand late Monday, according to the Associated Press.

All we can say is, we're sorry Lord. We're sorry for Lindsay Lohan and her late-night ways, Charlie Sheen and his disregard for the security of fine German automobiles, Al Gore's alleged philandering, Brett Michaels' bandanas, and British Petroleum. Especially British Petroleum. Please don't be mad. Kevin Costner, one of our brightest actors three decades ago, is working on the solution to the Gulf oil spill. Amen.

LA Weekly