|Photo courtesy of Peter Beste|
Dear Willie D:
I loaned my cousin $500 more than six months ago. She promised to pay me back when she got paid, but to this day I have yet to see one red cent.
The puzzling thing is that we were so close until this incident happened. While growing up we did everything together: sleepovers, birthday parties, gymnastics, dance, you name it.
Once we became adults the pattern continued with girls night out, shopping trips and get-togethers. I am also the godmother to her daughter.
It makes me sick to my stomach that I am in this position fighting with someone who I considered to be a best friend and sister. My cousin knows that I'm merely getting by with living expenses and really didn't have the money to give in the first place.
I have asked her several times for my money back. At first she gave me excuses like, “Oh I'll pay you next week. I had to use the money for car repairs.” Then she started being evasive by not returning my calls. The other day I went over to her house to confront her and we got into a big altercation.
I still love my cousin but I want my money back. Do you know of a way I can get her to repay me and salvage our friendship?
Burned By a Relative
Dear Burned By a Relative,
You stand a better chance seeing the Pope at a Geto Boys concert doing the Dougie than you do getting your scratch back. There are three things in life you should never do: cheer for the visiting team, rat out a friend and loan money to relatives. Like you, I learned the latter the hard way. I don't care if it's your mama, make sure she signs a promissory note.
Since your cousin is dodging you, send her a certified letter in the mail with a date for her to start paying you installments on the loan. Let her know if she doesn't agree to the terms or miss a payment you will drag her butt into a small claims court. On the other hand, if your cousin is willing to jeopardize a lifelong friendship over a few hundred dollars, maybe the loan was a blessing in disguise and that's what it took to expose who she truly is: an ungrateful user. If that's the case, it only cost you $500 to get rid of her.
Dear Willie D:
I really need your help. Right after my future husband and I announced we were tying the knot, one of the first questions every female in my life wanted to know was, “Who will be the matron of honor?” I have a few close friends in my circle but none have been closer longer than my childhood friend. So when I told my newest close friend, she all of a sudden became aloof and short with me.
I don't know what to think of my friend's about-face. I mean dang, I value our friendship but I've had pimples last longer than she's been around. I'm starting to get anxiety over all of this mess. How can I further avoid hurting her feelings and damaging our friendship?
Dear Oblivious Bride,
Call her up and say, “Hey, I hope you're not upset about not being my matron of honor. It doesn't mean that I value your friendship any less. This is something that was in place before I ever met you. If you're up to it I would be honored if you were one of my bridesmaid or was involved in planning everything.” If she can't respect that, flip out and tell her, “Look you self-absorbed, immature wench, my childhood friend will be the matron of honor at my wedding. If you don't like it, screw you!”
Dear Willie D:
I'm an average guy getting by with an average salary. I don't smoke or do drugs. I might sip on a little alcohol from time to time but other than that I don't have any vices except for the fact that I'm crazy in love with a stripper. Yes I met her at her place of work. She danced for me and I emptied my wallet like a sucker. I was so broke when I left the club that I couldn't pay my car note. After all of that I was right back at the strip club the following week on payday with her soft, tender, perfectly formed bottom on my lap.
I became a regular at the club to the point where we developed a friendship. She even started giving me free dances. We talked a lot about family and life. She told me about how she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and her boyfriend had kicked her out. Since I lived alone and had a two-bedroom apartment I invited her to live with me — no strings attached — until she saved up some money for her own place.
Everything was great the first few weeks and then it happened. One night she came home about 3 o'clock in the morning and woke me up saying she was horny. I was more than eager to oblige her. We had intense sex for about 45-minutes and went straight to sleep. The next day I tried to have sex with her and she acted like nothing ever happened the night before. I'm telling you that girl has my head spinning to the point I don't know if I'm coming or going.
I have told her how I feel about her but she has indicated her feelings aren't mutual. Lately I've been getting extremely jealous of her being around other men and I've asked her to quit dancing. She is a very smart girl and could probably do anything she desired but she doesn't want to stop stripping. I feel that she's selling herself short both by stripping and not being with me. How do I get her to see things my way?
Dear Stripper Lover,
You committed the cardinal sin of tricking: you fell in love. I shouldn't be giving up the game like this but what the hell; men need to start looking out for each other. You have an uphill battle to win your stripper friend over because of the conditions under which you met.
When she first laid eyes on you she didn't say to herself, “Oh my, he looks like a nice God-fearing, dignified gentlemen I could settle down with.” Her thoughts were more likely along the lines of, “Let me go over here and see what this trick working with. I got bills to pay.”
You said that you invited your friend to stay with you “no strings attached.” I beg to differ. A G-string was attached, and your invitation was under the pretense that her moving into your home would afford you a better opportunity to hook up with her. Don't get thrown off by the fact she gave you some one time. She was in heat, you were there, and the two of you had sex. It was a matter of convenience. She would have given it to a department store mannequin that night.
I hate to break it to you, buddy, but even if you were to hit the jackpot and enter into a monogamous relationship with her, she will always think of you as a trick. If you had met her at the grocery store she would think of you as a shopper. But you were her customer at a strip club. Women don't respect tricks; they'll kick it with them and spend their money, but they don't respect them. You're driving on a two-way street; players are going one way and tricks are going the other. You're a trick; stay in your lane.
Dear Willie D:
My daughter had a crush on a young man I work with and I kept it to myself. Later he asked her out and it was awkward, but again I kept my thoughts to myself. He then transferred away and just cut off all contact with her.
It hurt her but she got over it and went away to college, etc. I'm still friends with this person via social media so I can tell when he's dating someone or not. When he's not he often contacts my daughter and they appear to rekindle things, then poof he's gone again.
If this bothers her she doesn't show it, but it bugs the crap out of me. She is far and above the better person. And what makes him think he can treat anyone like this, much less my child? I am stuck on a tightrope not wanting to invade my daughter's privacy by bringing this mess to work but I also want to kick this jerk's ass. What is your advice?
I know you think your friend isn't good enough for your daughter. But the truth is he's perfectly up to standards; her standards, not yours. One of my good friends used to date the most trifling women he could dig up. I used to tell him all the time, you can do much better. You're smart, charismatic, articulate and a hard worker. For years my words fell on deaf ears, then bam!
Out of nowhere, when I least expected it, he woke up a new man. He called me to say he was writing a book and had started dating a classy woman. I asked him what happened and he said, he just got tired of living the way he was living.
I like your passion, but unless your daughter's life is in danger I suggest you stay out of her relationship. Confronting her part-time lover will only exacerbate the situation and both she and the police will see you as the villain, not him. It sucks to see your loved one involved with someone you think isn't worthy of her, but there's nothing you can do but wait it out.
To paraphrase Henry Cloud, people will change when the pain of the same becomes greater than the pain of the change. Apparently your daughter hasn't experienced enough pain.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com.