Photo by Greg GormanFRIDAY, December 16 Charles Phoenix, self-described “histo-tainer,” has spent the past decade stockpiling
some 500,000 vintage slides of American life from the 1930s through the 1970s,
and reinventing the classic living-room slide show into a hysterical peepshow
of popular culture at its weirdest. At his Retro Holiday Slide Show, you’ll
see the nuttiest Rose Parade floats of all time; cocktail mixing in a motel bathroom
at Easter; a Christmas bondage party; Santa’s Village, aptly christened “Southern
California’s most bizarre theme park”; you’ll even learn how to make a toilet-paper
Christmas tree. Egyptian Theater, 6712 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Fri.-Sat., Dec.
16-17, 8 p.m.; Sun., Dec. 18, 1 p.m.; thru Dec. 31; $25. (866) 754-3374, www.godblessamericana.com.
What could be a more perfect companion piece to kitsch Americana than the Nihilist
International Film Festival? Director Elisha Shapiro, who looks for works
by “the most twisted independent filmmakers we could find,” says the event “gives
me faith in the depths to which the human heart can plunge.” Get there 15 minutes
early with your TV, and you can participate in the traditional Blessing of the
Televisions. Track 16 Gallery, Bergamot Station C-1, 2525 Michigan Ave., Santa
Monica; Fri., Dec. 16, 8 p.m.; $5. (310) 264-4678, www.nihilists.net,
www.track16.com.

SATURDAY, December 17
John Waters, a.k.a. the King of Bad Taste and Sultan of Sleaze, will be dishing
up some holiday madness of his own at A John Waters Christmas. The evening
features subversive holiday melodies like “Here Comes Fatty Claus” and Waters’
inimitable machine-gun-fire monologue on all of his obsessions, from Christmas
gifts to true crime tales, and “erotically charged” electro-punk from Berlin-based
performance artist Peaches, who, like Waters, definitely doesn’t care whom she
offends. Get there early and you can meet and greet Waters. UCLA, Royce Hall,
Wstwd.; Sat., Dec. 17, 8 p.m.; $22-$45, $15 students; additional $35 admission
for John Waters Exclusive Pre-Show. (310) 825-2101, www.UCLAlive.com.
On a saner note: The Huntington Library celebrates the 300th anniversary of the birth of Benjamin Franklin with an unprecedented display of one of its greatest treasures: the handwritten manuscript of his autobiography. The exhibit, titled The Art of Virtue: Benjamin Franklin’s Autobiography, displays the manuscript in a partially unbound state — for the first time in almost 200 years — so that visitors can see a series of pages at one time. Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens, 1151 Oxford Dr., San Marino; opens Sat., Dec. 17, 10:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m.; thru March 26, 2006; $15 adults; $12 seniors 65+; $10 students; $6 children 5-11; children under 5 free. (626) 405-2100.
…or
croony and nostalgic
with Phil Crosby Jr. (See
Sunday), who channels
his Grandpap Bing.




SUNDAY, December 18
Dry those tears for the late Bing Crosby, and take heart. He just might be reincarnated,
in the form of grandson Phil Crosby Jr., who’s putting on a White Christmas2˜
at Ten20 Café. Be prepared: Phil Jr.’s a lot cuter than his big-eared grandpa.
But he’s still got those Crosby genes, and at some point in the evening he will
actually dare to belt out Bing’s signature “White Christmas” with his quartet.
Now that takes huevos! Add the female vocal trio SwingSet, this generation’s Andrews
Sisters; gospel vocalist Melida Skeete-Smith; tap-dancing teen Charliene Michele;
and a few other strange but spirited variety acts, and you’ve practically got
a vaudeville show.Bel Age Hotel, 1020 N. San Vicente Blvd., W. Hlywd.; Sun.,
Dec. 18, 8-10 p.m.; no cover but $10 food or drink min. (310) 358-7702, www.belagehotel.com.

MONDAY, December 19
Today marks the 25th anniversary of one of L.A.’s most eagerly awaited traditions,
The Los Angeles Master Chorale Messiah Sing-Along, rated by sing-along
groupies as the highlight of the holiday season. I mean, how are you going to
top joining your voice up with one of the world’s great choral ensembles, in the
acoustic shrine of Disney Hall, swept along by the “driving” organ accompaniment
of guest organist William Beck? There’ll actually be two performances: a run-through
with director Grant Gershon and the audience members, and the actual performance
with the Chorale and soloists. Perfectionists can even practice in advance by
logging on to the Chorale’s Web site, where they can find the specific sections
of the oratorio that will be performed. Hallelujah! Walt Disney Concert Hall,
111 S. Grand Ave., dwntwn.; Mon., Dec. 19, 7:30 p.m.; $19-$59, $10 public rush,
$10 scores. (213) 972-7282,www.lamc.org.
TUESDAY, December 20
Hard rock? Stoner rock? Desert rock? Robot rock? Queens of the Stone Age, no matter how you categorize them, have never been shy about pushing their sound through the stratosphere. The Queens use their instruments like artillery. But they’ve got enough smarts and style to make music and not just noise, as their recent “Best Hard Rock” Grammy nomination, for their hit song “Little Sister,” proves. Bring your earplugs and catch them at the Wiltern Theater. 3790 Wilshire Blvd.; Tues., Dec. 20, 9 p.m.; $50-$110. (213) 480-3232, (800) 249-4444.


WEDNESDAY, December 21
The audience at this year’s Disney on Ice: Finding Nemo will be visually
submerged in an aquatic backdrop that gives the illusion of underwater depth in
a huge, shimmering ocean, as world-class skaters emulate the natural flow of fish
through water. Plus, the kids will get a thrill all over again as Marlin, Dory
and the Tank Gang do their best to send Nemo home. Best of all, opening-night
tickets are a virtual steal. Los Angeles Staples Center, 1111 S. Figueroa St.,
dwntwn.; opens Wed., Dec. 21, 7:30 p.m.; runs thru Dec. 25; $12 opening night,
$15-$25 all other nights. (213) 480-3232, www.disneyonice.com.

THURSDAY, December 22
…And then, Santa, I want roast chicken every day and my own TV and no pictures
with me in a reindeer outfit ever again . . . Do you know what your pet wants
for Christmas? Faye Pietrokowsky, “animal communicator and people psychic,” is
holding Holiday Insights with Faye to help put you on your creature companion’s
wavelength. On the other hand, you just might be better off not knowing what your
little darling is thinking . . . Centinela Feed and Pet Supplies, 331 N. Robertson
Blvd., Beverly Hills; Thurs., Dec. 22, 2-8 p.m.; $20-$25. (310) 246-0367,www.inner-design.net.
For lovers of French impressionism, there’s no better holiday gift than LACMA’s
current exhibition, Cezanne and Pissarro: Pioneering Modern Painting 1865-1885.
The two artists worked simultaneously and often literally side-by-side, and the
exhibit, curated by Joachim Pissarro (the artist’s great-grandson), consists of
approximately 80 paintings that reveal how Cezanne and Pissarro’s relationship
grew from that of master/student to “one of equals, simultaneously serving as
both master and student to each other,” and, in the process, creating a new artistic
language. LACMA, Brown Auditorium, 5905 Wilshire Blvd.; Thurs., Dec. 22, 2
p.m.; free with $9 Museum admission; $5 seniors 62+ & students 18+; youth 17 &
under free. (323) 857-6010, www.lacma.org.