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You can’t rock with a lame name. Just ask Straight to Video, the Snakes, and the Flyer Band. Are any of them musically any good? Maybe, but who goes to see them with such unimaginative monikers? You want your band’s name to be original (Cartoon Boyfriend, Midget Handjob) but not so clever (3D House of Beef, Gepetto’s Other Puppet) that it grows stale. Along the years, some band names have appeared in our Rock & Pop listings that we have grown to love: the Groovy Rednecks, the Sugarplastic, Los Super Elegantes, and a supremely excellent name we hope to see in these pages for eons, Betty Blowtorch, who were once known by the most memorable title of Butt Trumpet. They’re all great bands, but they have also nailed down the spirit of their music in their appellations. Here, pulled directly from our listings, are some examples of how you can go wrong and right when it comes to what gets slapped on the Whisky marquee.


1. DON’T CONFUSE A PUN
WITH A GOOD BAND NAME


Venus Envy
Blizzard of Ozz
Patsy Whine
Wok-Stars
Dust for Life
Nostradumbass
The Dolly Ranchers


. . . UNLESS IT PERFECTLY
DESCRIBES YOUR SOUND


Dread Zeppelin
Crank Williams
Penis Flytrap
The Newlydeads


2. DON’T PICK A NAME THAT IS
TOTALLY UN-ROCK-SOUNDING,
UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY CAN’T ROCK


Permission To Breathe
Conspiracy of Thought
Fields of Grey
Ophelia Rising
Points of Fusion
 


3. DON’T CHOOSE YOUR BAND’S NAME WHILE STONED


Angry Salad
Velvet Catfish
Lo-Fi
NippleDrip
Licorice
Bowling for Soup
Loudmouth Soup
Othermay Uckerfay
 


4. DO LOOK WORDS UP IN THE
DICTIONARY BEFORE SENDING
OUT FLIERS


Wiskey Biscuit
No Motiv
Laydlaw


5. DON’T JUST STEAL A NAME FROM A MOVIE TITLE, POPULAR EXPRESSION OR OTHER SOURCE (unless you
really are lame)


Soilent Green
Attention Deficit Disorder
The Streetwalkin’ Cheetahs
Rebel Rebel
Volume Eleven
Epstein’s Mother
Catch 22


6. DO MAKE UP NEW WORDS
THAT SOUND COOL


Godma
Eyedentity
PsydeCar
Flambooky
Les Sexareenos
SNMNMNM


. . . BUT DO MAKE SENSE
(unlike these):


Fit for Stomach
Deep Banana Blackout
Grubearhump Spermjacuzzi
Unicycle Skull Fuck


7. DON’T BE OBVIOUS


Black Crowes
Spooky Ghost
Sluts 4 Jesus


8. WE GET IT, YOU LIKE DRUGS


The 420 Band
H Is Orange
Weed
Whiteline Fever
151 Herbal Committee
Stereo 420
Cop Shoot Cop


9. MOST IMPORTANT, DO BE
ATTENTION-GETTING


Leper Sex Killer on the Loose
Raft of Dead Monkeys
Plaid Hyena
Pillow of Wrongness
Vomit Remnants
John Wilkes Kissing Booth
Hall ’n’ Ass
Oblivia Neutron Bomb

LA Weekly