FRIDAY, April 7
The notion of a fund-raiser for a bunch of G-strings and pasties may seem a little . . . lightweight, but there are two good reasons to fork over for The Ooh La L.A.’s To Vegas From Vine: L.A. Takes It Off for Exotic World. First of all, famed burlesque dancer Dixie Evans’ museum holds more feather boas than Dame Edna’s closet. Second, she lives in Helendale, as in hell-and-gone, California, and wants to move herself and her museum to Las Vegas, where more devotees of tease may bow at the altar of arousal. Please, help an old lady make it to Sin City. A bountiful and busty bevy of beauties will bump and grind, and vice versa. The Ivar Theater, 1605 N. Ivar Ave., Hollywood; Fri.-Sat., April 7-8, 8 p.m.; $20. www.ticketweb.com.
SATURDAY, April 8
And the Lord said, Let My People Sing, and let it be a nine-day celebration of freedom, song, dance and spirit expressed on my people’s Web site in a fancy, unreadable font normally reserved for funeral programs and bris play-by-plays. The big Jew-ha-ha kicks off with FaithJam ’06, a music-and-comedy event featuring the Yuval Ron Ensemble, MC Rai, Rabbi Naomi Levy, the Praise Team from Christ Our Redeemer AME Church, and Ani (the first Grammy-certified Muslim woman, whatever that means), with the funny provided by Maz Jobrani and Beth Lapides. Warning: You will be asked to take your shoes off, a custom my lord and I find totally baffling. The Islamic Center, 434 S. Vermont Ave.; Sat., April 8, 8:30-11 p.m.; free, but reservations required. E-mail: email@example.com.
SUNDAY, April 9
The envelope arrived on my desk like a fallen bird, lying there frozen, daring me to open it and unfold its secret message. Smeared blood — not mine — told me I had another paper-cut victim on my hands. Did I mention it was raining? Oh fuggit, just go see American Cinematheque’s Eighth Annual Festival of Film Noir. Tonight’s program includes the rarely seen Angel’s Flight, with a homicidal stripper traipsing through old, skyscraper-free Bunker Hill. Egyptian Theater, 6712 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood; Sun., April 9, 4:30 p.m.; $9.?(323) 466-FILM.
MONDAY, April 10
Say what you will about the L.A. Weekly, but they know how to cover theater in this town. L.A.’s theater folk will flock to the intersection of Hollywood Boulevard and Gower Street for The 27th Annual L.A. Weekly Theater Awards. Will it be Macbeth or Yellowman? What will theater editor Steven Leigh Morris wear? This thing is always a great party. Morris tips us off: “It’s very high-concept this year: The entire show is a redux version of Michael John LaChiusa and George C. Wolfe’s Wild Party, presented by Blank Theater Company and starring Valarie Pettiford, Daisy Eagan and Sally Kellerman, among a cast of 15, and centers around a debauched evening for NYC socialites in 1929, so we’re hoping to turn the evening into a costume party. Presenters include David Starzyk, Robin Riker and Ann Magnuson, and we also expect appearances by Leslie Jordan and Delta Burke, if her broken ankle has healed sufficiently.” The Music Box at the Fonda Theater, 6126 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood; Mon., April 10, 7:30 p.m.; $15. (323) 993-3693; www.ovationtix.com.
TUESDAY, April 11
Don’t be late for A Tribute to the Movie Trailer, which traces “the historical development, contemporary practice, cultural resonance and economic importance of movie trailers with a screening of the documentary Coming Attractions and a post-screening panel discussion moderated by Denise Mann, head of the UCLA Producers Program.” It surely won’t be as dry or as boring as this press release sounds. James Bridges Theater in Melnitz Hall, UCLA, Westwood; Tues., April 11, 7:30 p.m.; $7, $5 students & seniors. (310) 206-FILM.
WEDNESDAY, April 12
After Andrew Lloyd Webber told an interviewer that his mother adored cats, the interviewer then asked the composer if she read him cat stories as a child, to which Webber responded, “She used to rather ignore us as children. She was a piano teacher and always very busy with her pupils. But she did once read us — me and my brother, Julian — T.S. Eliot’s verses for children called Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, and they lodged in my mind. I loved the poems.” Read once? Poor little Andy. If you haven’t seen Cats, you have one week. Pantages Theater, 6233 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood; April 11-16: Tues.-Thurs., 7:30 p.m.; Fri., 8 p.m.; Sat., 2 & 8 p.m.; Sun., 1 & 6 p.m.; $25-$68. (213) 365-3500.
THURSDAY, April 13
If you read the cartoon “Bizarro,” then you obviously didn’t cancel your subscription to the Los Angeles Times when the guy who wrote “The Far Side” retired. Cartoonist Dan Piraro calls his one-man show, The Bizarro Baloney Show, an “evening of pure bologna in the form of songs, stories, cartoons, puppets, poetry, clairvoyance, nouns, adjectives and MUCH, MUCH MORE!” One curmudgeonly publicist we know reported, “Even I thought it was great.” IO West, 6366 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood; Thurs., April 13, 9 p.m.; $20. (323) 962-7560.