So, there we were, trying to look as cool and unfazed as Hole’s ERIC ERLANDSON, who was standing right behind us, at THE VIPER ROOM for P.J. HARVEY (pictured)!!!! Yow! Then, remembering we’re not cool, we became giddy with excitement at seeing such a stellar talent in the little club. The British rock goddess was in town to tape a Leno segment (true) and Hollywood Squares (not), and she and her new band graced us lucky few with an hour of new songs from her upcoming album, Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea. Looking very Elizabeth Hurley with a graceful new ’do, she soon shed her sparkly black number to reveal a matching bra top. Not distracting us from the stunning new songs were Chili Pepper ANTHONY KIEDIS with something very tall and blond; Stone Temple Pilot SCOTT WEILAND sneaking a smoke (just can’t break enough laws, can ya, Scott?); GooGoo Dolls’ MIKE MALININ; Rage Against the Machine’s ZACK DE LA ROCHA; SHERYL CROW; BECK; Ally McBeal actress PORTIA DE ROSSI; Tenacious D’s JACK BLACK growing hair, plus the other one, KYLE GASS; and humor professional PATTON OSWALT not being funny. The most amazing thing? Polly Jean was so mesmerizing she got all the guys trying to look like David Cross to stop asking their buddies if they were going to “See ’em, Jay?” Who’s this Jay?

—Libby Molyneaux


Gathering celebrity filth and decadence on a Saturday is no Herculean feat; the Lord’s Day is the challenge, but one we’re up to. We might, for instance, get into a foursome (threesomes: done to death) at STUDIO CITY GOLF, where we’ve swung with JACK NICHOLSON and SYLVESTER STALLONE. This Sunday, though, we scored some horse: at SUNSET RANCH
, accompanied by our attorney, entertainment litigator DEBORAH DROOZ (KEVIN COSTNER, MARTHA STEWART, RODNEY DANGERFIELD, MIMI ROGERS), as well as singing starlet LILY BELLE BURK (The Sound of Music) and diving phenom NATALIA MacADAMS — both age 8. You read about ’em here first. Boffomeister BRENDAN FRASER was recently spotted hiking these very trails . . . and look, he dropped a big wad of cash! Sorry, our mistake. Next, sticks and stones at Sherman Oaks’ HOUSE OF BILLIARDS, which taps Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, preferred beverage of ZAKK WYLDE. Most Sundays we either go to church or hit a topless bar; this week, worshipping hours kind of slipped by, so we investigated why SAM’S HOFBRAU at Olympic and Alameda is “voted #1 strip club in Los Angeles by New Times!” Dancer SAMANTHA suggested it’s because she works here, and she does have a remarkably nice smile, but what else? The $2 Coors on Mondays and Tuesdays? The red-lighted atmosphere? The dearth of actual Germans? Nope. There it is, glowing against the far wall, the reason we’ll be returning again and again: a full-service ATM.

—Greg Burk


Friday the 13th brought some bad luck for party directors BRYAN RABIN, JOSEPH BROOKS and THE ALLIANCE (a.k.a. JOSH RICHMAN, HARTWELL, SHANE POWERS), who threw a big record-release ball for cyber-glam hotties ORGY at the Disney-owned EL CAPITAN ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX. While celestial bodies such as Love and Rockets’ DANIEL ASH, members of KORN, Sugar Ray’s MARK McGRATH, porn pooh-bah RON JEREMY, the tattooed BACKSTREET BOY, RACHEL HUNTER and ROD STEWART ogled go-go dancers and a rolling WASTELAND fashion show — both of which took place on plexiglass beds — hundreds of other stars ’n’ scenesters were stuck outside, spilling onto already-congested Hollywood Boulevard, because city fire marshals had closed the guest list. Even Hole-y one COURTNEY LOVE was denied entrance until Bryan escorted her in (she was looking for FRED DURST and, when she couldn’t find the Limp lad, left as quickly as she had arrived). The marshals also cut the capacity in the main showroom, where Orgy performed, leaving many of those inside unable to see them play, while technical difficulties after the show forced the CLUB MAKEUP segment to start at 2 a.m., when most everyone had left. Luckily, there were DJs, monitors and several bars to keep everyone occupied, and the red-hued “bed room” in the upper level of the building became suitably orgylike with gallivanting and grinding galore.

—Lina Lecaro


You know it’s fall when DEBORAH OLIVER’s “Hot & Sticky” — a three-night anthology of L.A. performance — appears on the scene. The appetizer to the opening night of this performance feast at HIGHWAYS was a catered affair in the gallery spotlighting photographs by JIM HUBBARD, thrice Pulitzer-nominated shutterbug, of people afflicted with Alzheimer’s. One could not make up a better pairing of visual and performance art. Tensions rose under the banquet tables when artist JUDY BACA’s mestizo mutt, Chuy (escorted by Kittenfreaky keyboardist VIVA KRASINSKI), picked a fight with PETER SCHROFF’s Kika, a pedigreed hairless Chinese crested (escorted by JILL BURNHAM of Burnham/Wells Gallery). Talk about a bitch fight! Peter showed off his performance-art pedigree as he and ANN PERICH, half of Guitar Boy, stole the show night after night with their sonic cockfight titled The Bride and the Bachelor, featuring an electric guitar–wielding Ann and a microphone-swallowing Peter. They went at each other with the intensity one sees on Iron Chef. Equally amusing was TIM BENNETT’s Outtakes, an improvisational investigation of Tim’s psyche and a rock in his shoe. Also on the bill was RIKA OHARA’s Fragment No. 9, a cinematic soundscape that’s the kind of work you want to see at a place like Highways but rarely ever do — art about something other than herself. And not since A Chorus Line has anyone used a mirror so effectively. Brilliant!

—Marcus Kuiland-Nazario

Edited by Kateri Butler

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