Update: L.A. temps are expected to brush record highs today: Downtown, the number to beat is 90 degrees. Eat it up, after the jump!

Welcome back, Los Angeles. We missed you.

After as painful a winter as ever there was — enough for Governor Jerry Brown to declare the California drought officially over, and that's saying something — two full days of absurdly fine weather are upon us.

Of course the heat wave couldn't wait until Saturday and Sunday, when our pale, shriveled, cubicled selves would have been able to give it a proper welcome. Sigh. Guess Hump Day and Almost Friday will have to do.

Here's the glorious hot-flash forecast, and five ways to make the best of it:

As always, the San Gabriel and San Fernando valleys will get the best of the heat — but downtown L.A. and the Venice coastline are right behind. Images via AccuWeather.com:


The Valley

The Beach

O beautimous sun, how ever can we honor thee? Let us count the ways:

5. Sit in traffic with the windows down.

Kind of pathetic, we know, but what's a working girl to do when the daily grind eats up the bulk of the heat? Pretend you're just taking a nice, legless stroll down the highway with your pissy BFFs in the vehicles next to you. Either that, or pull a Katy Perry and blast the shit out of everyone's ears with your best bubblegum pop. We California now, bitch!

4. Have sex on top of a (prestigious) building.

Mostly just because we want to write about it. But we hear it's also a great way to get rid of tan lines, get kicked out of school (more time in the sun!) and become the laughingstock of a generation. Hot.

3. Out-short Rihanna's booty shorts.

Beware: Rihanna's fabulous disco thingies on the cover of this month's Rolling Stone probably got some of their shortness from Photoshop. But hell, it's 90 degrees out! Add some butt sweat to your thrift-store spandex, and you've got a real-life cling tool. But really guys… we'd better see some booty come out with the sun tomorrow. Isn't that why we don't live in New York?

2. Make a bloody mary for breakfast.

This is more like a command. There is nothing, NOTHING, better than cold, zingy tomato juice on a hot March morning. Except vodka. But you can have both, at once! And as for the latter, remember: Cheaper the better. Really.

1. Go to the motherfucking beach.

We don't care what it takes. You live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and there is no better heat than a smogless, breezy springtime heat for a good romp in the sand and the sea. Cliche? Yes. But that's because it's the best thing ever.

A bit of a chill will be back in town by Friday afternoon, along with some solid Santa Ana winds, so soak up this golden weather while you can. Can't say we didn't warn you.

Originally posted March 30 at 10:15 a.m.


LA Weekly