Barbie DavenporteThere's all kind of talk about women and orgasms, how cerebral the process is, and how even the slightest distraction or concern can sabotage her O-face. And that's all true. But it was recently brought to my attention that some guys have the same problem. Surprised?
Me, too.
It's easy to believe that men are sex machines, able to get it on any way, anywhere – especially with an available (willing) candidate to facilitate the process. Because their sexual function is so physical, with external “pipes and drapes” to offer visual cues of his turn-on level, we often forget that there's also a brain involved.
And when a guy is nervous, anxious or tense the likelihood of a resulting orgasm – despite how hard his dick might be – grows slim. Men and women have a lot more in common in the carnal cranial department than you might think.
A frequent hurdle in a woman's path to orgasm is fear she's taking too long to come. Whether she's receiving oral pleasures, diddling herself during coitus, or performing a solo show for her partner, the instant that concern enters her mind often is the instant her clitoris packs up and heads home.
Some men have the same issue – especially when receiving oral sex. Porn and mainstream movies have helped instill the stereotype that the moment a man's penis is stroked it's mere minutes away from a spooge surge.
But men don't always come so quick, especially during the BJ process. He has no control over the pressure, speed and location of the stimulation and must adapt to her moves, something that takes time – often much more than he spends jerking it in the shower.
And if guys start to worry about taking “too long” or whether or not the orgasm will ever come (pun intended), it probably won't. So here are three basic but essential ways to prevent this kind of sexual self sabotage.
1. Clear Your Mind
Do whatever it takes. Yoga, YouPorn, whatever.
It's easy to fill your mind with less-than-sexy thoughts when you're feeling self conscious. But a trick most women use is fantasizing. Playing out a particularly hot scenario in your mind is the fastest and most effective way to rid your head of all the mental bullshit and get your brain ready for the task at hand.
And when any worry-wart commentary makes its way into your fantasy, distract yourself by focusing on the virtual tits, ass and face you're planning to plaster with jizz once you have that raging orgasm you deserve.
I'm turned on just typing it.
2. Relax Your Muscles
Lie back and let it come.
Your orgasm (and ejaculation) depends on pubococcygeus (aka PC) muscles. The stronger they are, the better the end result, as their contractions are what cause the telltale powerful swells of pleasure (and sperm). But if they're already tensed up you're gonna have a hell of a time letting it happen naturally.
Yes those are the same muscles you hear girls giggle about, the ones that (when you squeeze them) prevent you from peeing all over yourself when you laugh. Men have them, too, and the stronger they are the better your orgasms will be.
Breathe slowly and deeply. This not only will help unclench the muscles of which you can't seem to let go, it also will oxygenate your blood and send it flowing faster to your crotch region, making your boner harder and your penis more sensitive – key ingredients for satisfying sex.
3. Don't Force It
Nope, that's not gonna get it done.
Your penis is either in her mouth or deep in her vag, and you kind of feel something coming on yet you're unsure if it's ever going to reach the intended point of ecstasy. But you don't want to turn her off or disappoint, so you focus hard on “getting there” and end up exhausting yourself and shooting a blank.
Clamping down on your PC muscles might make some semblance of an orgasm happen, but more often than not it'll just tire you out and strain your nether regions, which doesn't help anyone.
Instead, if you're pretty sure it's just not gonna happen, take a break. The chick you're banging and/or getting blown by should be a-OK with that – chances are she'll need a bit of a breather, too.
Rub each other's backs, make out like high school sluts, do that heavy petting thing the purity ring kids always talk about. You'll probably get your mojo back with the replay of foreplay and be ready for round 2 in no time.
And with a clear mind, relaxed body, and eager beaver that orgasm you thought would never happen will probably surprise you pleasantly. Just try not to get it in her hair.
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