See also: Why I'll Never Go To Burning Man

Burning Man 2012 kicks off on Monday, and unlike our intrepid colleague Nicholas, we are headed to the Playa and looking forward to it. In fact Jack Rabbit, the festival's official newsletter, has been hitting our inbox since February, informing the nearly 70,000 of us from around the world “heading home” to this temporary city in Nevada's Black Rock desert about ticketing, healthy and safety, proper laser protocol.

Theme camps are a fundamental component of Burning Man, as they provide flavor, fun and places to hang out when it's 111 degrees and you can't remember out where your RV is parked. Groups from around the world apply to erect camps, and guidelines require that such installations must be visually stimulating and include activities, events or services to the Burning Man community. (Including yoga, booze, drumming, meditation, coffee and, of course, music.) That's all well and good, but many of these camps have downright ridiculous names and themes: Here are the five silliest that we know about.

"Where Intense Intents In Tents at?"; Credit: Josh "CuriousJosh" Reiss

“Where Intense Intents In Tents at?”; Credit: Josh “CuriousJosh” Reiss


Yes, it's listed in all caps like that. This Grass Valley, California-based camp invites guests to “swing our sex swings, crack our whips, shake that thing and move your hips at the FUCK CLUB- PLEASURE DOME.” Consider us equal parts intrigued and scared.

#4 Intense Intents In Tents

This one is fun to say, and promises “a collection of intentional communities bringing the spirit of collective hospitality to the playa! We welcome you to join us in celebrating fertility and the universal ability to create abundant lives!” We don't actually know exactly what that means! Sounds great though!

#3 Street Life: Sesame Street Meets Hip Hop Music

Childhood icons meet your adult urban sensibilities at the New York-based hip-hop hybrid camp Street Life, which advises: “Yo, Sesame Street got wack! Oscar is drinkin some 40s, Big Bird is droppin the bass, and Grover's threads got so sick with it!” It's Elmo time indeed, bitches.

"This is a'ight, but I'm more into Genital Portrait Studio."; Credit: Josh "CuriousJosh" Reiss

“This is a'ight, but I'm more into Genital Portrait Studio.”; Credit: Josh “CuriousJosh” Reiss

#2 Naked Hipsters

Denizens of Williamsburg, the Mission and Silver Lake will converge on this San Francisco-based camp, where hipster burners can free their pale asses from the confines of their skinny leg jeans and “enjoy items gifted from other camps.” We think this means that hipsters are generally broke, though Burning Man costs an arm and two legs.

#1 Genital Portrait Studio

Also based out of San Francisco, the Genital Portrait Studio will be staffed with “highly trained photographers [offering] you the opportunity to capture that special side of yourself in the privacy of our playa studio.” Photo shoots may include various “props and positions” and attendees can walk away with a custom made genital ID card, which is not only the perfect memento to share with friends and family back home but gets you a discount at Coffee Bean.

See also: Why I'll Never Go To Burning Man

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