1. Not being just any geek off the streets


How To Avoid Being A “Geek Off the Streets: Learn how to how be to handy with the steel and earn your keep.

Best Models to Emulate: Gay steel workers, Andrew Carnegie, Iron Man

2. Not Tweaking When You See a Car Full of Girls


How To Avoid Tweaking When You See a Car Full of Girls: Drink less coffee.

Best Models to Emulate: Nate Dogg, Warren G, Dylan McKay

3. The Wisdom to Avoid Dice Games on 21 and Lewis


How To Avoid Dice Games on 21 and Lewis: Consult AOL City Search for a more suitable and safe environment to find games of chance and miscellaneous sinning.

Worst Models to Emulate: Pete Rose, Nicky Arnstein. Dice Raw

4. The Ability To Glide And Swerve So Hard That You Make Hookers Hit the Curb


How To Glide and Swerve Properly: Malt liquor.

Best Models to Emulate: E-40, Too Short, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

5. The Will To Pull Out Your Strap And Lay Busters Down (If Necessary)


How to Obtain This Will: Nihilist German Philosophy.

Best Models to Emulate: Nietzsche, Heidegger, Buster Keaton.

6. A Facility In Switching One's Mind Back To “Freak Mode”


How to Switch One's Mind Back Into Freak Mode: A long walk and a few Zen Buddhist chants.

Best Models to Emulate: Freeky Zeekey, Freaky Tah, Rick James.

7. Getting Girls to Ask You For Rides


How To Get Girls To Ask You For Rides: Rims, malt liquor and/or blunts. (May only work in the LBC.)

Best Models to Emulate: Jeff Gordon, 2Pac, Anyone with the last name Dogg.

8. Directions to the East Side Motel


How To Get Directions to the East Side Motel: Google Maps

Best Models to Emulate: Sergey Brin, Larry Page, Eric Schmidt

9. Knowledge that Rhythm is Life and Life is Rhythm

How To Obtain Such Knowledge: G-Funk Classics Volume 1 & 2.

Best Models to Emulate: Janet Jackson's “Rhythm Nation 1814,The Eurhythmics, Snap's “Rhythm is a Dancer”

10. Smoke Like Nate Dogg Smokes


How To Smoke Like Nate Dogg Smokes: Be high every day.

Best Models To Emulate: Redman, Hunter S. Thompson, Nate Dogg.


LA Weekly