Returning to the newly revamped After Dark LA posed an interesting challenge for the two of us. First and foremost, the new slate of writers (Sam Phillips? How the HELL do we share space with that kind of talent?) brings a decidedly hip and upscale vibe, often clashing with our seemingly outdated old school value system – especially regarding sex.

Don't get us wrong, we're as open sexually as the next porn star; however, how does a long-term (22 years together at this point), monogamous couple compete for air space alongside Barbie Davenporte's sardonic adventures, sexual expertise of Jamye Waxman, and the douche-baggery exploits of Brennan Foley? Even our namesake white picket fence is gone, awaiting a rebuild after being eaten by termites during the last heat wave. Such is the reality of a recession that seems to meander on without end.

So, if you click away now we understand completely; who wants to stick it out, a-la ” Leave It To Beaver” (farewell, Barbara Billingsley), in a confining marriage year after year in such an enticingly sexy metropolis as L.A., right?

Yet here we are, continuing to enjoy a rather robust intimate life together, outpacing many of our supposedly more active and youthful acquaintances in both quantity and quality. Certainly, our “jobs” as sex product peddlers is a contributing factor (after all, someone has to try vibrators and such before deciding to sell them), but this factor hardly tells the whole story.

Sexual chemistry certainly plays a huge role, as does the trust we've established over these many years, allowing us to communicate our wants and experiment without fear or judgment. Lastly, we long ago made the commitment to placing sex as one of our highest priorities, meaning we'd work through any and all threats to healthy intimacy no matter the difficulty.

Such was the case in 1988 when we met; such is the case in 2010. Interestingly, we were

interviewed for a PBS documentary a short time ago, the interviewer asking what we considered our “highest calling.” Without hesitation, we emphatically answered, “each other.”

And so here we are, after a long hiatus to balance out this wonderful After Dark LA concept we helped start more than three years ago, hopefully grounding the crazy exploits of our capable fellow columnists with our own laid-back consistency as long-term married, heretofore labeled “LTM.”

We know you fellow LTMs are few and far between out here in SoCal, but hopefully you'll find your way into our world, flourish and contribute to converting the Barbie Davenportes of the southland into zombie marital bliss.

Product Love: We can't leave this week's entry without mentioning a couple of cool items we tried over the sunless summer that doggedly plagued our Mar Vista, Calif., neighborhood. First and foremost is the Fun Factory Cobra Libre. A revelation on the sexual product scene, we've dubbed it “the first male vibrator,” as it's defined an entirely new category in male self-pleasure. Indeed, masturbation sleeves may provide the friction to get to a satisfactory finish, but how many of these jelly devices can boast mimicking an actual female orgasm? The Cobra Libre accomplishes this by concentrating intense vibrations in the upper area of the penis (known as the frenulum, similar to the female clitoris) to produce mind-bending climaxes.

Just insert your erect or non-erect member into the silicone opening and activate the touch-sensitive controls to find the exact level of desired stimulation. In fact, when we tried the Cobra Libre (one half providing visual eye candy while the other inserted into said device), the orgasm peaked so quickly it startled both of us and we repeated the “test” with the same result an hour later.

Mechanically, the Cobra Libre is roughly the size a soda can and is fully sealed, meaning one can use it in water environments (such as showers, pools, hot tubs etc.) and is rechargeable with Fun Factory's patented “Click 'N Charge” inductive magnetic charging unit. You can view the Fun Factory Cobra Libre by visiting our review here.

Our second product of note is the Mini Magic vibrator from Vibratex. A tiny, yet powerful

waterproof wand that derives power from your computer's USB port, the Mini Magic fits in just about any purse or coat pocket and has become our go-to vibe for outings (TMI, but we love getting off in cars and discreet public settings) and additional stimulation during intercourse.The unit is surprisingly quiet for putting out so much juice, and the pink color gives it a nice, unintimidating playful look.

In closing, we're quite excited to be back after our long absence and look forward to providing more insight into sex among the monogamous. If you want to know what we sound like, we have podcasts up on iTunes exploring sexual subjects of all sorts of variations and topics. You can also visit our website for a full archive of our past LA Weekly columns, reviews of hundreds of products, and links to interesting destinations regarding sex and intimacy across the Internet.

You have been warned – Freddy and Eddy are back in the (LA Weekly) house. Run for your bedrooms – now!

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