See also: “The 10 Most Embarrassingly Named L.A. Bandits.”

Reveling in the only lighthearted part of working for the FBI — the official naming of the crooks — investigators have christened a prolific bank robber currently on the loose in Los Angeles the “All Ears Bandit.”

Which is kind of mean, actually. With a side of matronly. What is this, the kindergarten sandbox? Aunt Mabel's Christmas party? Poor bank robber's just swinging by the bank, trying to do his job, and the feds have to go and bring up a dude's disproportionate growing pains.

In the end, they're probably just bitter:

The man with the giant floppy Dumbos allegedly hit up three separate banks — two Bank of America branches in Echo Park and Carson, and a Citibank in Bell Gardens — in a matter of days, and FBI investigators have nothing but some unflattering security footage to show for the manhunt.

According to CBS Los Angeles, the suspect is a “Latino man between 25 and 33 years old, weighing 150 to 160 pounds.”

In all the robberies, “All Ears” slipped a note under the teller's window, Woody Allen style, saying he had a gun and demanding money. However, the only time his passive-aggressive ploy worked out was in Bell Gardens.

Stupid bandit, stupid name. If you happen to see the guy — check for terrible sunglasses after the extra cartilage — call your friendly neighborhood FBI agents at (888) 226-8443. Careful: They can be pretty judgmental.


LA Weekly