The neighborhood hooligans must have been getting restless out in Burbank last week. In a span of two days, they launched a whopping 11 paintball-gun attacks on innocent sidewalk people in the Hillside and Valley areas of the suburban city [Burbank Leader].

Where do we start, really. There are over a dozen suspect descriptions, four different vehicles recalled by victims/witnesses and only one real consistency: The “shootings” all took place outside school hours, most around 8 a.m. and 3 p.m.

Oh — and all their 'balls are yellow. Asian Power Ranger style.

These guys are good. And they apparently ride in style, from the Burbank Police Department and Leader's lists of possible getaway vehicles:

  • Gold or light-brown SUV; possibly Ford, Honda or Toyota, “with a roof rack that appears dirty”
  • Maroon Honda CRV
  • Newer blue Ford Mustang with tinted windows and chrome rims OR newer light metallic silver Ford Mustang with chrome rims and “air intake scoop on hood”
  • Dark-colored GMC Yukon OR Chevrolet Tahoe SUV

Damn. Additional clues from the Burbank PD:

“A yellow color paintball was used in all the attacks. The paint guns seen have been black and purple, and/or black with a gold slide.”

Then there's the motley crew of suspected shooters, via the Leader:

The suspects have been described as a white man in his late 20s with a husky build and bushy blond hair who was accompanied by three other occupants in his vehicle; white males around 16 years old; four to five teenagers; one white man in his 20s; and two white men and one black man between the ages of 20 and 25.

Sounds like the victims may have been hit pretty hard, judging by their inability to recall stuff like cars and colors and number of bad guys and stuff.

The crime spree kicked off Wednesday, January 26, at 5:45 p.m. near North Kenneth Road and Bethany Road. According to the Leader, many of the rest went down near West Clark Avenue and North Parish Place.

So in case you're one of the rare weirdos in Burbank who still chooses to walk places, be on the lookout. These paintballers are bored, loaded (in every sense of the word) and not content to stick to the range.

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