You wanna be in top form for the impending consciousness shift, and that means taking care of yourself — inside and out. It also means a trip to the Erewhon Market Tonic Bar. Think of it as a one-stop shop for pre-apocalypse training, where you can get the tools you need to be your best when time stops and the matrix shatters.

What started as a tiny herb enclave situated between the customer toilet and the (massively extensive) raw-food section has transformed since its opening two years ago into a vibrating vortex of healing and hanging. The Tonic Bar caters to a tight-knit, conscious community of creative types walking the path of progressive wellness. Tonic Bar Team Captain Truth brandishes an infectious enthusiasm for optimal health and holistic wellness, which he pours into the cups, hearts and minds of his rapidly expanding community.

When you take a seat at the bar amid the glowing complexions and the sparkly eyes, you’re as likely to hear folks talking about aliens and ascension as auditions and rewrites. Secret-speak is exchanged fluently and sage advice is doled out free of charge. You can listen to Esther Hicks channel Abraham while blenders whir and holy basil capsules pop. On the counter, you’ll find angel cards awaiting algorithmic-based spreads alongside dog-eared books on herbs, diets and positive intention.

There is a menu, though it’s rarely referenced, since the Tonic Bar crew are ever and always expanding their beverage offerings on the basis of season, stars and whim. They blend custom drinks by customer request, hot or cold, infused with an eclectic array of the highest-quality healing/tonifying/energizing elements available. The secret to the Tonic Bar’s success lies in an openness to all things wonderful, without dogmatic adherence to any one system of healing. The Tonic Bar staff take from various diets (Body Ecology, raw, macrobiotic), and incorporate Chinese tonic herbs, medicinal mushrooms, nutritional supplements, spices, superfoods, probiotics, flower essences, invocations, meditation, quantum healing, whatever it takes! — just so that we can feel, look and be our best.

On a hot, muggy morning, a shadow hovers over my shoulder and I’m dragging ass. The Tonic Bar beckons. Randall’s setting up for the day, brewing a big pot of Gynostemma tea while listening to Tibetan monks chant.

“I need a serious jolt of energy, mental clarity, a spiritual boost, creative oomph, abundance, affection and a Shift in a cup, please.”

Randall peers at me over his long-lashed lids, and smiles as he reaches for a jar. “Good morning, sunshine.”

“And reishi spores,” I add.

He holds up the jar: reishi spores. He takes a crystal out of his pocket and hands it to me.

“Hold this. I’ll take it from here.”

I feel better already.

7660-B Beverly Blvd., L.A., (323) 937-0777. Mon.-Sat. 8 a.m.-10 p.m., Sun. 9 a.m.-9 p.m.

LA Weekly