A word to all the women out there who fake their way through one-nighters and short-term hook-ups. (And if you're still doing it after your wedding night, you'd better find something to fill the hole/void.)

Please stop pretending to have raging orgasms. You're not doing anyone a favor and here's why:

1. You're never going to get what you want in bed until you let him know what you like and what you don't.

2. Each time you scream and moan you're making him think that's how ALL women cum. He'll be a sexual dunce for the rest of his bedroom career, or until he meets a chick with enough balls to set things straight.

3. When you coo with delight each time he sorta kinda touches what he thinks is your G-spot, you're teaching him that THAT is a “hot spot” on a chick. That sucks for every other girl he fucks after you.

4. Sure you skirted the issue for one night. But what happens when you realize you kinda like the guy, but he has no idea how to get you off and it's your fault? You have to either clue him into your former charade, or convince yourself that the sex isn't THAT important. You've been lying to him, so why not also lie to yourself?

There are very few fake things in the world that are for the greater good — false eyelashes, tofu hot dogs, cubic zirconia — and the only time you'll find “fake orgasms” on that list is if you're on a game show and the most obnoxious orgasm noise wins you a Toyota Yaris and complimentary wine tasting at Williams-Sonoma.

I've never faked it. That doesn't mean I've never encountered awkwardness or an insecure guy who felt like a failure — but the key isn't to lie there waiting for him to get tired and give up.

You gotta give a little direction (as he should for you, too) because that's the only way to know how to do it right. No one, no matter how suave/sexy/skilled, knows exactly how to get you off because everyone is different, and if you start the session with unfair expectations, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Use your words.

Image: djcodrin.

LA Weekly