As a sex educator I often get caught up in the “how big a deal is sex” question. I know that for some people sex just isn't a big deal and for others it's the most important decision they make.

Before I had sex, sex was a big deal. I wanted to do it right – right time, right guy, right place. After the thrill of that was gone, and the relationship, too, I became a casual fornicator, albeit never of epic proportions.

My virginal unmasking wasn't unlike that of most other teenagers or young adults. But for others, non-Atheists in particular, having sex can still be a really huge issue. These types of folks still place penis/vagina partnerships on their own valued pedestal. Unless it means something (baby-making anyone?) it's not worth doing.

But what is that “something?” And how can one know what anything means before you even go there?

Here's why sex can be no big deal:

  1. Like a massage, sex is done for relaxation.
  2. Sex feels good, and things that feel good should be free and easy.
  3. Sex allows you to explore your body in ways that you can't explore your body when you're just at the mall.
  4. Sex a fast way to get to know some body, but not necessarily somebody.
  5. Sex can help us look and feel younger.

And here's why sex can be a HUGE deal:

  1. Sex often involves one partner inserting a part of his body into another partner. That can require trust, and trust is a big deal.
  2. Sex requires connection, always physically and sometimes emotionally, and that doesn't come easy for many people.
  3. Sex is something some people rank high on their list of values, right next to honesty, kindness and fidelity.
  4. Sex can spread life-changing – and sometimes life-threatening – infections and diseases. That's a pretty big deal.
  5. Sex can be scary when you aren't sure what to expect, especially when you've only got a few notches in your bed post.

It's easy to see why sex can be casual and easy, though that doesn't necessarily mean you (or I) want to run out and “connect” with every attractive man I see. But sometimes no-big-deal sex feels damn good.

See what more I and AfterDarkLA's Barbie Davenporte had to say about sex, cum in the face, penis size and pimples on this week's Hot Sox podcast (that's my show!)

LA Weekly