Someone grab a shovel — we've got to dig up every seminal music-maker of all time. U.K. music company Death to Vinyl Records is offering a highly unusual postmortem service.
For a whopping £2000, the macabre bastards will take the ashes of you, your loved one or your pet(s), and form them into hard plastic which will then be cut into a neat black circle and grooved with whatever sounds you've chosen.
Yes, they will make a record out of you — up to 30 discs per order to be exact, though we imagine some of the magic is lost in subsequent pressings.
As for the sleeve, they provide that too. Either a headstone-style D.O.B to D.O.D. accompanied by an ominous “R.I.V.” (rest in vinyl), or a portrait by a successful painter, James Hague.
Oh but there's more.
Get a glimpse of the possibilities to the right. We're not positive, but pretty convinced that the guy on the bottom left is Vic Chestnutt. Could he have been their first famous client?
But what if you'd like to be buried in Forest Lawn, a few plots down from your hard rock idol, Dio? Fear, Death to Vinyl does body parts too. Which, God, we assume means it's possible to send in the ashes of a living subject's amputated limb. This really raises the bar for serial killers looking to send clues to their media outlet of choice.
Also available are musical scores designed to “spice up your vocal recording” should you choose to go the spoken word route. Better yet, for an additional £1000, your last rock 'n' roll testament will actually be distributed “through reputable vinyl shops worldwide.” Of course, you won't be alive to check up on that, so …
Interested? Think it's a hoax? Our sister paper Houston Press' music blog Rocks Off reported on the story yesterday. Check it out for yourself and, really, think about your next of kin. Urns are such a dead medium.