Pharmacie: Gentleman's Companion

Dear Merriam-Webster:

We admit it: We're not hip. We didn't know until very recently that “Like A G6” isn't about a super-advanced Steve Jobs prototype computer that can also fly jet planes. As a Professional Writer, there is one thing we do know: language. Specifically, the English language. We know that it's a blank movie screen for the projections of a culture's obsessions and interests, a flexible, organic, ever-evolving medium. Or in layman's terms: Shit be changing all the time.

Far East Movement's hit “Like A G6” is destined for the annals of Koreatown karaoke bars and spinning class soundtracks. If the band leaves any cultural legacy, it's that their song introduced the word “slizzard” to a whole swath of the American population. Now is the time to recognize “slizzard” as the linguistic gem it is, worthy of an upgrade from the Urban Dictionary, where it's alternately defined as “a 'dirty south' term for intoxicated” or “a very slutty lizzard,” to the “real” dictionary.

We know, we know. We have waged a one-woman war against the AP stylebook since the day we were hired at LA Weekly. (We are aware that LA is short for Los Angeles, but we still hate writing it as L.A., and every time we see “donut” spelled as “doughnut,” it's like nails on a chalkboard.) But slizzard is a term we should all respect and utilize, and not just to describe celebs who are in their cups.

Sure, people all over the country, especially southerners and herpetologists, have apparently been using “slizzard” for years, but it's not really part of the linguistic canon until a respected linguistic arbiter such as Merriam-Webster legitimizes it. We beg of you, as you deliberate over next year's dictionary, debating which words will make the cut and which will not, go ahead and slip in “slizzard,” right between “slivovitz” and “slob.” Then, raise your cup and go get blitzed, hammered, wasted, crunk, lit, toasted, shitfaced, cooked, pissed, Mel Gibson, chocolate wasted (??? — that came via Twitter) and, of course, slizzard.

Yours In Pure Cussedness,

Elina Shatkin

LA Weekly