It was only a matter of time. Word came down from the Hollywood studios last night that Jonathan Gold, current food critic for the L.A. Times and former critic for the L.A. Weekly will be the subject of a new untitled documentary directed by Laura Gabbert (No Impact Man), per the Hollywood Reporter.

According to Gold, the film will “[use] me as a prism through which to look at food as a prism looking at Los Angeles,” adding, “and you wouldn't believe how fetching I look in a burqa.”

The Gold documentary arrives at a time when audiences are eating up foodie films, including the fish-fetish flick Jiro Dreams of Sushi, and El Bulli: Cooking in Progress, which captured the closing of Ferran Adria's renowned restaurant.

What remains to be seen is how Jonathan Gold's enigmatic and elusive persona transfers to the big screen (to see a clip of Gold on film, check out this scene from the 2009 documentary, How to Live Forever, in which the Pulitzer Prizer winner gives a “gather ye rosebuds” soliloquy on the transience of tacos.)

So what do you scenes expect from the upcoming doc? Trips to obscure Guilin noodle houses? Subterranean taco trucks? An arm wrestling match with Mario Batali?

In the mean time, we brainstormed a few alternate title suggestions for what we'll henceforth refer to as J. Gold: The Movie.

– In Search of a Midnight Knish

– Goldfingers

– Apocalypse Nosh

– Planet of the Crepes

– Raging Bull Testicles

– Requiem for a Creamsicle

– Eternal Sunchokes on the Spotless Mind

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LA Weekly