College can be the best four years of your life, or the worst depending on your Facebook status: “Single,” “In a Relationship,” or “It's Complicated.”
A sexual coming of age for most students, going away to school is their first time living alone, free of restrictions, curfews and parental control. Finally there's no one saying “No” to coed sleepovers.
If you're fortunate enough to reside off campus then you have the freedom to do as you please, but dorm life can be a cross between living at home and living in a prison – often with someone else paying for it.
Wherever you lay your head, privacy is an issue when you live in close quarters. Scheduling alone time is like negotiating a NATO treaty: two strategic commands needing to operate in the same territory will create a no fly-zone. It's the same with horny undergrads.
Campuses are breeding grounds for rampant alcohol-induced promiscuity. They can also be a barren wasteland of lonely guys holding their own dicks come Friday night.
If you don't want to fly solo through your semester here are 11 guidelines for guys to make sure you're first in line for takeoff and cruising at the right altitudes:
Hygiene is key. Pay attention to your hair, teeth, nails and other body parts. That goes for your clothes, too. Always keep your room neat and tidy; you never know when the party's coming back to your place.
2. Banging classmates
Don't poop where you eat – if it doesn't work out you're left with a mess. Similar to office romances, when it's over someone ends up having to relocate.
3. Move on
Don't chase a parked car. You can't force someone to fall in love with you, and at a certain point it's called stalking. Know your type and whom to target.
4. Lip service
You're not “the only one,” and yes, they've done it before, with someone else. Chances are if you're you are second-guessing their protests your instinct is right.
5. Social Networks
Use them. Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are great for online intercourse when you can't get the real thing. The more virtual friends you have, the better your chances to connect in real life.
6. Take a position
Join the debate team. Whether you believe in a cause or not, the ability to argue your case comes across as confidence. And chicks dig swagger.
7. Be present
Stay interested and interesting at the same time. It's about your confidence, attitude, presentation, personality and humor. Be the life of the party and go the extra mile to make her smile.
8. Work it
Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who can provide, with extra cash to burn on them. Juggling more than one job or internship also helps with college expenses, plus it looks good on a resume.
9. Join a club
Whatever your extracurricular interest, there's an organization out there for you. This is a great way to meet like-minded singles and there's always an opportunity to mingle.
It's hard to do when you have a roommate but it's necessary for students to release built up tension (and sperm). Skip the awkward scheduling and head straight to the showers.
11. Wrap it up
Be responsible. College is a safe environment to experiment – if you play by the rules. Prevent unwanted pregnancy and the transmission of STI's and HIV by always using condoms.
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