Suspect Catherine Kieu Becker, now unofficially known as the new Lorena Bobbitt, was grand-jury slapped with an indictment for alleged penis cutting so harsh that it could get her life in prison if she's convicted.

While we sometimes wonder if the justice system treats the ladies with kid gloves (especially when it comes to their own domestic violence and claims for alimony), this here case of a pared-down pecker is being messaged with the utmost of due diligence.

Men everywhere can exhale:

Our sister publication OC Weekly notes that Bobbitt Becker was handed an indictment charging the 48-year-old with “one felony count of torture, one felony count of aggravated mayhem, and a sentencing enhancement for the personal use of a knife.”

What, exactly, did this seemingly upstanding Orange County lady do? (She pleaded not guilty by the way — and remains behind bars in lieu of $1 million bail).

As LA Weekly's Simone Wilson explained, she had it out with her soon-to-be ex-husband over stay-overs at the house. And by stay-overs, we assume that we're talking about candle-lit, female stay-overs.

The two were already splitsville but CKB came over to his condo in Garden Grove last year to make the 60-year-old dinner (how nice). But what she made him was drugged tofu that knocked him out just enough so that he could witness his penis being cut off, but not enough so that he could do anything about it, authorities said.

Becker then allegedly threw the good half of the tool in the garbage disposal, which was then set to “on,” according to prosecutors.

She called paramedics for him and told authorities he “deserved it,” according to the allegations.

(We always deserve it. Tell any woman your girlfriend smacked you and her immediate response will be, “Well, what did you do?” Not that we'd know).

Anyway, as luck would have it, the brave (and hopefully glove-wearing) first responders actually retrieved the penis, or what was left of it, and the good doctors at UC Irvine Medical Center attempted a resurrection of biblical proportions.

But they refuse to say if the operation brought it back from the dead. And so, we might never know if this story has a truly happy ending.

[@dennisjromero / / @LAWeeklyNews]

LA Weekly