Lieutenant Governor Abel Maldonado is taking his post as acting governor dead serious in this cold, cold time. Yesterday, he wrote a letter — yes, an actual letter — to the POTUS himself. And it wasn't about no laughing/Bo-related matter, even though I'm sure all you fluff-seekers would love to read about that.

Nope. This is some real hard fiscal stuff. Maldonado asked President Obama to declare a “major disaster” in California, in response to the extreme weather damage inflicted upon nine SoCal counties since the season's first big storm hit on Dec. 18.

A “disaster” tag would require the federal government to pay the damage. Which might be kind of helpful right now, since Maldonado says that damage is $111,558,521. Ouch.

According to the letter, San Bernardino County needs the cash the most. A havoc-load of mud inundated 50 Highland homes during the Christmas-week rager, and the scene is so bad that they're still uninhabitable. We don't know how much 100,000 sandbags cost, but we're guessing San Bernardino County, not to mention the $28 billion-owing state of California, can't exactly afford them right now.

Maldonado begs with grace:

“Although the full impacts of the statewide storms are yet to be realized and quantified, pursuant to 44 CFR Section 206.35, I have determined that this incident is of such severity and magnitude that effective response is beyond the capabilities of the state and affected local governments, and that supplementary federal assistance is necessary to save lives and to protect property and public health and safety.”

He quickly shifts the heat onto the rainpocalypse — blaming high winds, excessive precipitation, flooding, severe mud and debris flows. (But what about the tumbleweeds?)

So the ball's in Obama's court, and even though he's probably rolling his eyes like, You think this is bad? You should have seen SnowLoko, we hope he takes pity on our poor little disaster. Because Mother Nature sure ain't payin'.

LA Weekly