A little piece of Jimmy Buffet dies every time the word “tailgating” is paired with the word “guidelines” in a city document; so, by our calculations, tonight's agenda report for the Rose Bowl Operating Company meeting has left 15 little pieces of Jimmy Buffet in need of margarita IV.

Dorkiest of all is the third guideline down:

Tailgating Ambassadors will patrol the lots to provide information and assistance and to ensure that tailgaters comply with established guidelines. Tailgating Ambassadors will be dressed in green uniforms and will be on bicycles.

Could these guys have an easier death wish?

Bowlers are the most serious of day drinkers. Just imagine, cyclists in polos versus a bunch of meathead dads with BBQ weapons, college kids with perfectly shakeable/sprayable Natty Ices, bored sober actual kids with eggs and teepee all up in their bike baskets…

And besides, it's tradition. The big parking-lot party that goes down outside the Rose Bowl before stadium events is often more of an attraction than whatever UCLA game or ridiculous U2 concert is scheduled for that night.

Don't believe us? Uh:

Credit: pubclub.com

Credit: pubclub.com

Credit: pubclub.com

Credit: pubclub.com

Credit: pubclub.com

Credit: pubclub.com

So, yeah. In light of the above, all this talk of “creating a fan friendly environment that is safe for all to enjoy” is a little beside the point. It's probably a miniscule step toward discouraging cross-town fans from drunkenly stabbing each other to death, sure, but on the Jimmy Buffet meter, the new Rose Bowl rules (up for final approval tonight) are, like, virgin-Budweiser status. If that even exists.

Some more buzzkills from the report:

General parking lots (golf course, ball diamonds, Area H, West Drive RV parking) open six (6) hours prior to kick-off. [Ed note: It used to be eight hours.] When entering the parking lot, it is important to follow directions from parking personnel. Please note that there are no “in and out” privileges for vehicles.

Playing of games that involve the consumption of alcohol or use of alcohol-related paraphernalia are prohibited.

Excessively loud amplified music (such as DJ's or live entertainment) is prohibited. Music with inappropriate language is prohibited in the tailgating areas.

Guess that rules out eight-hour King's Cup/strip poker to the tune of hood-ass hip-hop. Get a little lamer, whydoncha Pasadena?


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