From the Department of Don't Try This at Home comes this doozy from the Glendale News-Press:

A 63-year-old man was discovered — alive and naked on a lounge chair outside his house — with a knife protruding from his belly.

This happened early Sunday evening in the 1000 block of Columbus Ave. What was the guy trying to do?

Perform surgery on himself with a butter knife. His hernia was bothering him, he said.

Needless to say, the man was hospitalized and put on a psych hold by cops, according to the News-Press.

Oh, and that hernia operation? It's a 30-minute procedure, apparently.

Read more.

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.