Brian Posehn is a comic, writer, actor, and food-eater. The Comedians of Comedy, Sarah Silverman Program, and Mr. Show alumnus is also a dedicated San Fernando Valleyite and gastronome.

Squid Ink recently asked Posehn to describe what his most perfectest day in the Valley with his wife and baby would look like. “I'm on the road a lot. A lot.,” said Posehn. “So when I'm home, my wife and I try to cram as much fun and errands (also known as “un-fun”) into our days, starting with…” Turn the page.

9:30 a.m. John O' Groats (Encino) – Breakfast. Delicious food, super friendly owners and staff, great menu and totally baby friendly.

10:00 a.m. CiCis (Tarzana) – Second breakfast. Insane breakfast menu, almost too many options. All of the egg dishes I've tried have been extra delectable.

10:30 a.m. More Than Waffles (Encino) – Waffles. And more. Just a little snack on the way to…

10:45 a.m. Jinky's (Sherman Oaks)- Third breakfast. CiCi used to waitress at Jinky's, before she opened her own place a couple of miles away. Jinky's is a true valley classic. Great food. Throw some chili on whatever you're getting. Thank me later.

11:00 a.m. Jerry's Deli (Encino) – Brunch. Everyone has been to Jerry's so no need to explain.

11:30 a.m. Jerry's Deli (Studio City) – Second brunch. More of the same. The same deliciousness.

12:00 p.m. Nat's (Van Nuys) – Third brunch/pre-lunch. Great food, recent find for us. Small, unassuming diner. But don't be fooled. Or do be fooled.

12:15 p.m. Big Kid (Van Nuys) – Classic toys. Games, models, candy. Lots of cool stuff from when I was a kid. They even have stuff for big kids older than me.

12:30 p.m. Nozawa (Studio City) – Lunch. Trust the chef. Some people call him the Sushi Nazi. But, not to his face.

12:45 p.m. La Fogata (Sherman Oaks) – Second lunch. One of our favorite Mexican restaurants. Delicious, authentic Mexican cuisine. La Fogata is Spanish for “the Foghat”. My friend Kenny says any Mexican restaurant with an orange sign and black lettering is awesome. The sign outside La Fogata is orange with black writing. I think Kenny knows what he's talking about.

1:00 p.m. Ca Del Soul (Tarzana) – Second, second lunch. Another favorite Mexican restaurant. No orange sign, no black writing. Still excellent, maybe Kenny doesn't know what he's talking about.

1:15 p.m. Baby Ant (Tarzana). High end, reasonably priced toys and clothes for Junior.

1:30 p.m. Babies R Us (Calabasas). Pick up diapers and formula for Junior. We thought about moving to Calabasas. We realized we would never leave.

1:45 p.m. Target (Woodland Hills). We call it “the nice Target”. Pick up necessities. One time I saw Britney Spears and her security picking up their necessities. So it must be nice.

2:00 p.m. Jersey Mikes (Tarzana). Grab an incredible sub sandwich for the ride back to Encino.

2:15 p.m. Floyd's Haircuts (Encino). Get my creepy beard tightened up. It's like Super Cuts with posters, better music and cooler haircutters. And I like it that way.

2:30 p.m. Domingo's Italian Deli (Encino). Get sandwich for ride to Studio City. Spicy Italian sub please.

2:45 p.m. Dej. Drop wife off at her favorite Salon for a blow-dry while I walk next door to…

2:50 p.m. Brat Brothers (Sherman Oaks). The best sausages I've ever had. Authentic German menu too. This place rules so hard. The owner knows me by name. I'm very proud of that.

3:00 p.m. Juvenile Shop (Sherman Oaks). More high end, reasonably priced toys and clothes for Junior.

3:15 p.m. Second Spin (Sherman Oaks). No time to head over the hill to Amoeba, the greatest record store ever? Head to Second Spin instead. Good selection of used cds and dvds. Purchasing music and movies in a store feels very nineties. Nineteen nineties.

3:30 p.m. Flask (Sherman Oaks). Great selection of whiskey, scotch for the discerning partier. No more Jack Daniels in the parking lot for me. It's fifteen year old Talisker in the parking lot for this guy.

4:00 p.m. Earth 2 (Sherman Oaks). The only place I go for my weekly comical books. Great shop. And it doesn't smell like a sweaty nerd's basement like some shops

4:15 p.m. Halloween Town (Burbank). The best place to go Halloween shopping. All year round. Cool, creepy art. If you need a gift for your nerdy, black wearing friend or family member that worships Poe, Tim Burton or Rob Zombie, stay from Hot Topic; come here. It's where I pick up my 3X fatboy T-shirts with horror movie logos.

4:20 p.m. My car. Take care of scheduled personal business. *cough*.

4:25 p.m. Philly's Best (Burbank). Mushroom Cheese steak, especially savory at 4:25.

4:30 p.m. Maxwell Dog (Studio City). There are a lot of high-end dog supply stores around the valley. But Maxwell Dog was here first. The only place we get fancy stuff for our dogs.

4:45 p.m. Naked Baby (Studio City). Even more high end, reasonably priced toys and clothes for Junior.

5:00 p.m. Big Sugar (Studio City). Everything they make goes in my mouth and makes me happy.

5:15 p.m. Ivy Antiques (Studio City). Do you like ghosts? How about ghost jewelry? The Ivy has plenty of antique jewelry on consignment. So treat the wife to a haunted ring.

5:30 p.m. Topanga Canyon mall (Topanga). The fancy valley mall. Could spend all day here but we only have fifteen minutes.

5:45 p.m. Target (Van Nuys). Pick up shit we forgot at the nice Target.

6:00 p.m. Lake Balboa (Encino/Van Nuys). Take a walk with wife and baby. Chase ducks. Ducks are kind of jerks if you think about it. Always grouchy.

6:30 p.m. Fryman Canyon (Studio City). Hike with the wife, baby and dogs. We've been talking about starting a fitness regimen and this is the day. I put the baby in a baby bjorn and head up the hill.

6:45 p.m. Encino Hospital (Encino) – Wearing the baby bjorn maybe wasn't the best idea for an out of shape guy going on his first hike. Receive oxygen. Thanks Obama.

7:00 p.m. Gelson's (Encino) – Grab groceries. It's the fancy Ralph's. Plan menus for our Sunday at home.

7:15 p.m. Whole Foods (Sherman Oaks). Grab more groceries, healthy stuff, since we're going to try to be healthier tomorrow.

7:30 p.m. Westfield Sherman Oaks Mall (Sherman Oaks). Smaller mall, all our favorite store. Hit the food court. It's not tomorrow yet.

8:00 p.m. Home (Encino) – Drop off baby with sitter. Finally, some time alone with my sweet wife. Well, not much time.

8:15 p.m. Katsu Ya (Encino) – Best sushi in valley. Crispy rice/spicy tuna has been copied by every other sushi chef in LA. Try everything. We have.

8:30pm Boneyard Bistro (Sherman Oaks) BBQ, gourmet style. Great menu. Super, super specials.

8:45 p.m. Il Tiramisu (Sherman Oaks). Classic Italian cuisine. Owned by father and son. Our favorite date night place for the last ten years. Gulp down food and head to…

8:50 p.m. Kiwami (Studio City). It's Katsu Ya's fancy sister. And she is yummy. That sounds weird.

9:00 p.m. Burke Williams (Sherman Oaks). Get a massage. Hit the quiet room. For a minute.

9:15 p.m. Arclight (Sherman Oaks). Catch a flick at what once was the Fast Times mall. Before the Arclight bought this theater and imposed all their rules this place was kind of a bummer. At the old place I once sat through a movie while a lady talked on the phone while bouncing her noisy baby on her knee. That would never happen at the Arclight.

9:30 p.m. Barnes and Noble. I like books. I read them. Mostly I buy them and keep them in a bookcase for later.

9:45 p.m. Humphrey Yogart: Light dessert. Been going there for years. Delicious. Great treat on a Spring or Summer night in the valley. It was about ten years when my wife and I figured out the pun. It's like Humphrey Bogart, but with Yogart.

9:50 p.m. Newsstand (next to Humphrey Yogart, get it yet?). I buy British metal magazines. The wife buys magazines about shopping and shoes.

9:55 p.m. Blockbuster Video (next to Humphrey Yogart, still fun). Rent six movies. We will only watch one and a half of them and return them eight days later.

10:00 p.m. Sweet Harts (Sherman Oaks) – Second light dessert. Serve it yourself. Ever want to work at a yogurt store? You can for two minutes and it will cost you. Super delicious, unique flavors. Red Velvet Yogurt? Yep, make it large.

10:15 p.m. Menchie's (Encino) – Third light dessert, another self serve yogurt place just moved a block or two away from Sweet Harts. I can't wait until they have a turf war. A delicious turf war.

10:30 p.m. Home – Drop off wife.

10:45 p.m. Studio City – Pick up my buddy Eric

11:00 p.m. Paladino's (Tarzana) – Live music. The valley home of shitty tribute bands. Never like Ratt? What about a Ratt tribute band?

11:30 p.m. Spearmint Rhino (Van Nuys). Just kidding. I love my wife very much. I drop my idiot friend home and head back to Encino

12:00 a.m. Home. Tired for some reason. And not at all hungry.

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