It's easy to hate BP. Those jerks made the glistening Gulf of Mexico into a goopy seafood dish that lined our nightmares in black slime and swallowed helpless baby animals whole.

And that was just the view from unaffected California, where we continued guzzling BP product like they hadn't just fucked over the nation's entire Southern coast.

Yup. Turns out an entire quarter of Los Angeles' gas comes from a gargantuan BP-owned eyesore in south L.A. County, right between Torrance and Long Beach in the young city of Carson. You know, the one with the oversized American flag stamped on its ugly metal frontside, just in case we ever forget the awful, Earth-killing principles our country stands for? Yeah, that's the one.

Well, as of yesterday, according to the Los Angeles Times, it's up for sale, so BP can free up some funds to pay for their damage to the Gulf. Any takers?

You, too, could be the proud billionaire at the helm of the West Coast's most prolific refinery. (Just please try not to get all your shit all up in the Los Angeles river, which deposits right into the Long Beach cove, if you can help it or whatever.)

The Times spoke with Charles Langley, senior gasoline analyst at the Utility Consumers Action Network in San Diego, who called the Carson fuel kitchen an “800-pound gorilla” — nice! — and warned that the exit of BP from SoCal, however satisfying conceptually, might mean higher gas prices.

“It will be interesting to see who regulators will allow to buy it because there are almost no current players in the California refining market who could buy it without dominating the market completely. … Only if we get a new player buying this refinery could it be good for consumers. We used to have 21 refineries. Now we have 10 refineries owned by seven companies, and we've already seen consolidation that is anticompetitive.”

So… anyone besides Arco and Chevron interested in picking up the gasoline trade in Carson? Here's what you'll get, by the numbers:

Come on, how about some friendly ozone-melting capitalism for the good of your fellow L.A. commuters? Especially now that the bus is even less of an option than before, somehow.

Along with a refinery BP is selling in Texas City, Texas, they're asking about $4.4 billion. And, according to the Times, “sales are anticipated to be wrapped up by the end of 2012.” So get on it, you little entrepreneur you!

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.