Who says L.A. isn't the best Halloween town in the world?
The stink of Occupy participants. The ghoulish controversy surrounding Michael “Thriller” Jackson's estate. The hangover scene at Urth Cafe on a Saturday afternoon. Hollywood Forever Cemetery! The strippers at Sam's Hofbrau. (Shudders.) Raver girls dressed like raver girls! Charlie Sheen! Rich white women who speak Spanish to “the help.” The horror.
Apparently, however, we are not the top Halloween city in America:
Nope. L.A. only came in at No. 7 on real estate website Zillow's ranking of “the 20 best cities to trick-or-treat in the nation.”
Yeah, this Trick-or-Treat Index isn't fair, for L.A. is the scariest place on earth.
Our potholes have more monsters than most towns. Our marijuana dispensaries are smoke-filled haunted mansions on every corner. Our mayor is an apparition who barely appears at haunted City Hall.
Nonetheless, you have to give Zillow some credit. L.A. isn't the best walking city in the world. And it did use Walk Score data as part of its criteria (that company ranks us as a lowly and horrific 13 in American walkability).
Zillow explains its criteria:
The index represents cities that will provide the most candy, with the least walking and safety risk.
Ah, yes, the part about getting robbed, shot or sexually harassed. But candy, oh we have candy. Just hike to Sheen's house on Mulholland.
With all those billionaires L.A. calls home, we do have some excellent trick-or-treating neighborhoods, too. Zillow ranks them:
1. Cheviot Hills
3. Pacific Palisades
4. Studio City
By the way, the top trick-or-treat city was San Francisco. Say what? You ever been to the Tenderloin district? Yeah, that's scary. And there are plenty of goodies on the street … for $10.