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There is something uneasy in the Los Angeles air,” Joan Didion wrote about the Santa Ana winds that blow through our flammable canyons. To imagine Los Angeles is to imagine its demise, by fire, by earthquake or by flood, by millenialist uprising or by alien attack, by anarchy or by corporatist takeover. Impermanence is written on our greatest buildings, which allow the outside in like sovereigns submitting to their occupiers, and most of our oldest structures, the souvenirs of  ancient Spanish rule, have at one time or another been reduced to low piles of stones before they are rebuilt. Some of us have earthquake kits in our basements, essential papers packed into fireproof boxes, and contingency plans for our grandparents’ frozen heads. Some of us plan to party like it’s 2099. And then there’s the matter of the last day of the Last Days.

Or as the wise sages of Def Leppard once posited: “Armageddon it! . . . Oh, are you getting it?”






Game Over By GENDY ALIMURUNG

Quakes, asteroids, mass extinction — when the end comes, will it come from below, above or within?

(Illustrations by Peter Horvath, 3D lettering by Daniel Couto)

Sole Survivors By GENDY ALIMURUNG

Footcandy


Best Place to Sing Karaoke and Pick Up Chicks With Mr. Belding
By MATTHEW FLEISCHER
Dimples

Life in the Last Lane
By LIBBY MOLYNEAUX

From Zero to 80 in 24 hours

Most Fabulous Dance Club Masquerading as a Tough-Guy Dive By MATTHEW FLEISCHER

The Study

Best Cocktail Dip By SOPHIA KERCHER

Rooftop Bar at the Standard Downtown

Best Spinning Top By DANIEL HERNANDEZ

Bona Vista Lounge at the Bonaventure

Best Rapture
By DANI KATZ

Babeland Sex Shoppe

Best Place to Get Your Smooch On By SOPHIA KERCHER

Echo Park Lake

Why Don't We Do It in the Dirt?
By RENA KONSETT

Top 10 e-mail responses to the question, “Where would you have your last lay in apocalyptic L.A.?”

Best Way to Get Ripped By JUDITH LEWIS

Get Waxed!

Best Pit Stop in Purgatory By SOPHIA KERCHER

Cha Cha Lounge

Best Last Dances By GENDY ALIMURUNG

Vivo Dancesport

Riding Out the Apocalypse
By TERRENCE E. DUNN

Where to catch the last wave

Queens of the New Ice Age By GENDY ALIMURUNG

East West Ice Palace versus Aliso Viejo Ice Palace

Best Westside Happy Hour By LONN FRIEND

Kay ’n Dave’s Fresh Mex Cantina

Best Tidal Refuge
By ELLA TAYLOR

Infuzion Café

The Last Days of Disco
By LINA LECARO

Nightranger’s welcome to the jungle


No-Escape Best Looting On the Eve of Destruction
By LINDA IMMEDIATO
Crossbows, medical pot and American Apparel

The Last Laugh By STEVEN MIKULAN

The Groundlings



Best Whey Out By JONATHAN GOLD

Ludobites at Breadbar

(Illustrations by Peter Horvath, 3D lettering by Daniel Couto)

Best Escape From L.A. By CRAIG GAINES

The Amtrak Pacific Surfliner

Best Escape Vittles By RENA KOSNETT

Snake, gator and other edible critters at Charlie Brown Farms

Best Offshore Radio Activity By DAVID COTNER

KISL 88.7 FM Island Radio

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
By JONATHAN GOLD

Just another perfect day



Best Place to Stop and Smell the Roses
By COURTNEY LEAR

Exposition Park Rose Garden

Best Smell to Remember
By DAVID COTNER

See’s Candy Factory

Best Temple of Earthly Delights By DAVID COTNER

The Mayan

Best Cat's Cradle By DAVID COTNER

Lucy at Skylight Books

God in an Alcove By DAVID COTNER

Clifton’s Cafeteria

Best Way to Get All the Way Through Moby-Dick in a Weekend By JUDITH LEWIS

Venice Oceanarium Beach Reading

Grandma's Attic
By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS

Counterpoint Records and Books

Biggest Fuck You, L.A. By DANI KATZ

Or 108 seconds during which you will pray, bargain and beg for the apocalypse

Last Wet Dream By STEVEN MIKULAN

Arthur J. Will Memorial Fountain



Raw Power
By DANI KATZ

Best Belly Fillers for the Ascension



Best Five Inches of Pure Beef By LONN FRIEND

The Wiener Factory

Best of the Wurst By DAVID COTNER

Schreiner’s Fine Sausages

The Last Supper (or Breakfast or Lunch) By STEVEN MIKULAN

Philippe the Original



The Mission Position By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS

San Gabriel and San Fernando missions

Best Griffith Park Alternative By CRAIG GAINES

Kenneth Hahn Park

Best Lookout Point By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS

Mulholland Trail

Best Westside Meditation Spot By LONN FRIEND

Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine Temple



Cod Almighty
By JOE DONNELLY

Best Fish Taco in Ensenada

Best Diversion Strategy By N.R. JENSSEN

Game Empire

Best Escape From the Eastside By DANIEL HERNANDEZ

Venice, Beatch!

She… Had to Leave… By GENDY ALIMURUNG

Going home to suburbia — Walnut, California

Look Homeward, Angeleno By ALAN RICH

Glimpses of a well-lived life

(Illustration by Peter Horvath, 3D lettering by Daniel Couto)






Shop Till Everybody Drops By PANDORA YOUNG

What the well-equipped survivalist will be wearing

Drinking in Wisdom (and Reishi Spores) With Captain Truth By DANI KATZ

The Tonic Bar at Erewhon Natural Foods Market

Dogged Pursuit By CRAIG GAINES

Free franks at the White Horse

Best Revival of an Extinct Fashion Species By DANI KATZ

Stronghold Jeans



Best Concierge Service for Slackers (and Their Spoiled Dogs)
By JUDITH LEWIS

Complete Concierge



Best Place to Watch Other Species Live in Peace and Harmony By LONN FRIEND

The Aquarium of the Pacific



The Bionico Man
By DANIEL HERNANDEZ

Placita Café

Best Wake-Up Call By DANI KATZ

Urth Caffé’s Japanese Tea Latte

Watching the Apocalypse By DAVID COTNER

Cinefile



Best Emergency Protein By JONATHAN GOLD
Beef Jerky from A&Z’s Nut Wagon



Best Chocolate Bliss By DANI KATZ

The Chocolate Box Café

Best Message in a Bottle By DAVID COTNER

Broguiere’s Dairy


Best Sources for Building a Vintage Sound System By N.R. JENSSEN
A Vinyl Revival




Lost Path to Shangri-la By DANI KATZ

The bridge at Lower Topanga’s Rodeo Grounds



Best Car Wash for Meeting Girls By LONN FRIEND

Americana Express Car Wash & Detail



Best Extinction Experts By GENDY ALIMURUNG

The Dinosaur Institute



Hot Mango! By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS

Farm Fresh Ranch Market

Best Yogurt for Your Health By CHRISTINE PELISEK

Real. Raw. Live.

The Arms (and Legs) Race
By DAVID COTNER

Human Designs Prosthetic and Orthotic Laboratory

Best Soup Dumpling By JONATHAN GOLD

Mei Long Village



Best Pet Love for Pound Pups By LINDA IMMEDIATO

Catts & Doggs

Best Way to Live in the Past By N.R. JENSSEN

Victory Station slot cars

Best Way to Kill Time
By N.R. JENSSEN

Origami books from Kinokuniya Bookstore



Best Underground Movie Viewing By N.R. JENSSEN

Ahmanson Auditorium at MOCA



Above It All
By RENA KOSNETT

Universal City Overlook



Best Fizz By JONATHAN GOLD

Wine Expo