We already know that kink-shaming isn’t a good thing. Even if some forms of eroticism can be questionable, you’d be surprised to know how “vanilla” we, humans still are compared to other animals. Because some animal sex behaviors can be quite — animalistic! From overly clingy guys and crazy girlfriends, you’ll have another reason to say “damn nature, you scary!”

Crazy Animal Sex Behaviors and Anatomy

Cannibal Companion

Perhaps the most widely known practitioner of sexual cannibalism is the animal kingdom’s femme fatale herself, the Black Widow — and they do, in fact, have a knack for wanting to be a widow; as their name suggests, they kill and eat their male counterparts while they’re having sex! But it’s not just the women who do this.

There are other murderous male spiders who also kill their lovers — such as a certain type of wolf spider and ant spiders would also eat their female partners. But they typically only murder the older female spiders of their species.

“I said ‘send nudes’ — not your fluid into my open wounds!”

Traumatic insemination is just as disturbing as it sounds. And bed bugs have a thing for it — as it’s the only anatomical way for them to reproduce! When it comes to bed bugs, forget what you know about sex ed. Because wherever you think the fluid should go doesn’t apply to them. Instead, male bed bugs will pierce their female counterpart’s abdomen and ejaculate there to reproduce. 

Once the male bed bugs are done with the act, they make it the woman’s job to “absorb” their sperm until it reaches their ovaries. Oh and the wound? They just let the gals tend to it and have them be susceptible to infection — because bed bugs are nature’s psycho and toxic boyfriend/husband that sometimes has an odd fetish!

The Doo Doo Muck

If watching Jenna Ortega’s Wednesday dance to the “Goo Goo Muck” was hauntingly beautiful and captivating, hippos also came up with a “dance” that’s also captivating — but it’s disgustingly rancid instead! Whenever male hippos want to get it on with a female, they pee and defecate to attract them. But it’s not enough that they do that, they will also aggressively wag their tails to fling it toward the girl of their dreams — and to deter other males. If you want to share this fact with a friend, you’re more than welcome to add the vomiting emoji here:

“Hey. Wyd? I think I left something at your place. Oh, it’s my uhh — it’s my penis.”

Do you still remember the day you found out that lizards can detach their tails? Turns out, it’s not just the reptiles that can voluntarily detach body parts — but we’re not sure if you’ll be just as fascinated to know that honey bees self-castrate while doing the deed.

As if bees weren’t loyal enough, another reason to hop on board the “#savethebees” movement is these male honey bees will — literally — “explosively” ejaculate so hard that their abdomen ruptures and the tip of their penis will be left inside the virgin queen bee. These male honey bees or drones will then drop dead.

As for the queen bee? She probably has Ariana Grande’s thank u, next on repeat as she’s out to look for another drone to die for her.

The Corkscrew C*ck

Be prepared to learn about the duck d*ck of doom! Not only do male ducks (drakes) have science to back them up when it comes to their package size — which can be as long as 7 inches (and considering that the typical length of a duck is 15 inches) — they’re also shaped like a corkscrew! And if that wasn’t shocking enough, they also have teeny spines around the base of it.

Drakes are made to have a strange type of penis so it can better navigate the just-as-complex vagina of the female ducks — this may not be the d*ck pic you needed, but it’s something that Google Images is equipped to haunt you with! But only if you dare! — don’t say we didn’t warn you.

As You Can See,

We have the greeneries to thank because of Mother Nature — and she was probably smoking one tree or two that day when she was asked about animal sex and how the ones mentioned above should do it. How some animals get dirty can quite literally get dirty — but in the end, it’s our job to make sure they have another day to be disgusting, perplexing, and amazing.

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