You remember that American enemy number one that had us scared and at war for most of the last decade? Yeah, Al Qaeda.

Well, not to belittle our tragedies, but this group isn't exactly a well-honed army. It's been about as good at warfare, pound for pound, as Tom Cruise is at staying married to hot actresses.

A newly leaked report from the California Department of Fire Forestry and Fire Protection (Cal Fire) seem to prove that Al Qaeda is the San Diego fireworks of foreign forces — a dud:

The extremist group published instructions in a terrorist magazine called Inspire about how to build an “ember bomb” that could, in theory, set off a massive forest fire or two. At least that was its hope.

The device has a core “igniter,” a fuel source, a timer and a power supply, the likes of which would make MacGuyver (or even Martha Stewart) proud.

In reality? Not so much.

Cal Fire officials followed the instructions, built the thing, and set it off. It did not go boom. The homemade bomb was supposed to blow and spread embers that would quickly spark a blaze in America's open country.

Boom.; Credit: Cal Fire

Boom.; Credit: Cal Fire

It kind of fizzed out or, in the words of a summary of Cal Fire's May test, it “did not sustain the combustion.”

But, being from the country that kicks ass and innovates, the fire experts just lit the damn thing manually. In a flash of genius, they busted out a match, which is a hardcore terror tool the likes of which would put any TSA agent on edge.

The “bomb” finally did flame up like Snoop Dogg's lighter for 12 minutes, the leaked report says. But it didn't spread out any embers.

Ember Bomb

So do we need to worry about shady terrorists disguised as four-wheelin' yahoos trying to light up Canyon Country? These idiots couldn't even spark a joint.

[@dennisjromero / / @LAWeeklyNews]

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