Ah, the Academy Awards. A prom-queen night where an industry gives love to itself like no man ever could.

Do you think the city is going shut down the streets for the L.A. Press Club Awards? Oh hell no. But we bend over backwards for Hollywood. And you, the L.A. citizen, shall pay.

Street closures are in effect in Hollywood this week, and the cover charge for parking at the wrong curb is hefty:

The fine people at the L.A. Department of Transportation ran the numbers for LA Weekly and came up with a grand total of $365.15 for parking in an Academy Awards-adjacent, temporary tow-away zone.

Ouch. That's a lot of cash just so Clooney doesn't have to look at your sad hoopty.

The damage includes an ever-increasing “vehicle release” surcharge of $115 — cash that's just an arbitrary tax passed by the City Council in 2008 to help it patch its budget.

Here's the breakdown:

Citation: $93.00

Tow: $117.00

Storage: $40.15 /per day

Release: $115.00

Total: $365.15

Of course, if you're a Range Rover-driving baller prepared to throw down a couple grand for a table and a bottle or two at Supperclub this weekend, then that could seem like a fair charge for city valet service. (Remember, however, that the city won't bring your ride back to you).

For the rest of us, here are the areas to avoid this week:

Credit: Academy Awards

Credit: Academy Awards

Then, on Friday, the area becomes more restricted:

Credit: Academy Awards

Credit: Academy Awards

On Saturday:

Credit: Academy Awards

Credit: Academy Awards

On Sunday, the day of the show:

Credit: Academy Awards

Credit: Academy Awards

You want all the details, including the hours of each street's closure? See this.

Want even more, official city details? Check this out:

Street Closures Announced for the 85th Academy Awards (02!20!13) by

You've been warned.

[@dennisjromero / djromero@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

LA Weekly