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“What can I say? I’m Curious George . . .”

Judd Nelson, after I discovered that he’d dumped out
my purse while I’d gone to retrieve fresh batteries and was examining the
contents

 


Photo by Stacy Kravitz


“No, I haven’t read the article yet. But friends of mine
have.”

Julie Kavner, at the end of two screechy, expletive-laced
telephone calls from her complaining about a flattering magazine profile I’d
written about her

An extended middle finger.

Shannen Doherty, informing me how she will signal to
me that I can talk to her . . . after keeping me waiting two days for an interview
on the set of Satan’s School for Girls in Montreal, Canada

“Ah nevah discuss such unpleasantness!”

—a hissing Dixie Carter, when asked to elaborate on her
repeated references to “the unpleasantness” surrounding her Designing
Women
co-star Delta Burke

“Ah ink ‘Ort Uts’ and ‘Anya On Orty Econ Eet’ ave e ar istic
edibility.”

Julianne Moore, answering a question while flossing
her teeth

“It never OCCURRED TO ME FOR A SECOND. I mean, how TRIVIAL,
how FACILE. That one is only for the most facile mind. What would a drag queen
tell me about GARLAND? How’s that going to help me as an ACTRESS? No. No. The
answer is NO.”

—an irritated Judy Davis, when asked if she’d watched
Garland -impersonators as part of her research for the TV movie Life With
Judy Garland: Me And My Shadows

“I have to go now. I have a really bad case of the flu.”

Scarlett Johanssen, after speaking to me for 15 minutes
while — inexplicably — holding my hands in her hands

“That’s a real smart-alecky magazine you work for . . . That’s
a -stupid question.”

Lyle Lovett, when he wasn’t furiously scowling or not
answering questions altogether

“Yes, that is a rifle.”

Val Kilmer