Don't sacrifice your Monday night music excursions into our fair city of Los Angeles, just to be a slave to the grueling whip of commercialized love. You can have your cake and eat it too, especially if that cake comes with a plethora of “ingredients” that help you get your rocks off to a little Valentine's Day rock 'n roll.
No matter what position you prefer to be in, our 69 Ways To Achieve Aural Satisfaction on Valentine's Day will hit all the right spots.
69. Stay in bed with a bottle of whisky, some Boyle Heights tacos, and seductively read West Coast Sound to each other.
68. Shake your groove thing with pretty young things at Bardot in Hollywood.
67. Share the mutually-sensual experience and ancient art of lapdance while eating fancy Moroccan food at Dar Maghreb and calling it “belly dancing.”
66. Groove out to Monday Night Jammz at The Baked Potato in Studio City and then get stuffed.
65. Go where the margaritas are flowing and the mariachis have hip-rolls that rival Ricky Martin: La Fonda on Wilshire.
64. Get romanced by the brooding, chain-smoking piano man in the classic romance click, Casablanca–playing at Cinefamily.
63. Let the money, martinis, lobster mash and post-meal make-out sessions flow while getting crooned to at Mastro's upstairs piano bar.
62. Check out infamous photographer, Mick Rock, and his heart-shaped box of assorted photographic rock star tasties.
61. Share mutually pungent garlic roll kisses and get serenaded by the staff at C & O Tratorria in Marina Del Rey with “That's Amore.”
60. Don't nix your chance to see the Calloway Brothers and Vince Hall at Nyx in Glendale.
59. Breakfast at Tiffany's includes diamonds and Audrey Hepburn kind of singing “Moon River.” What more could you want from a Valentine's Day movie at the Aero Theatre.
58. Share intimate, drunken musical revelry with your lover (and 75 others) while singing karaoke at Burbank's Sardos.
57. Pick up a guitar at McCabe's in Santa Monica and channel your inner romantic, soft rock superstar.
56. You and your significant other can walk into ghost warmth of red-carpet walking celebrities by heading to the Grammy Museum at LA Live.
55. Keep the rock 'n roll vibe, but save your eardrums from total annihilation by “viewing” rock 'n roll through Olaf Heine's “I Love You But I've Chosen Rock” photographic exhibit.
54. An Oscar-winning film based on history's most adorable musical couple (outside of Yoko and John), Once is playing one-night only at Arclight Hollywood.
53. If drag, dance fetishism, and sexy men in burstin-at-the-seam pants are you cup, than head to the iconic Mustache Mondays at La Cita.
52. While your ska-punk babe might not be a skank, you can teach her how at Rock Steady Lounge's ska and reggae night at Akbar.
51. Discover up-and-coming local hipster bands before the become up-and-coming local hipster bands at the Open Mike at El Cid.
50. You don't need to go spinning bottles to get sexy with your foxy lover, but the dance tunes at Spin The Bottle at The Roxy might give you seven minutes in heaven.
49. Spice up your love life and catch a glimpse of the (Thai) king while eating your pad prik king at Palms Thai.
48. Hold hands adorably while sifting through obscure, 1960s Bollywood funk at Silverlake's Rockaway Records.
47. Sing a romantic tune for your cocktail-swilling honey–backed up by Marty & Elayne of The Dresden Room.
46. Find a drum circle at the beach. Invite some more half-naked hippies. Express you “love” for each other with hip-gyrating interpretive dance.
45. Pretend you don't know each other and check each other out, across the stacks, at Amoeba Records in Hollywood.
44. Tip your piano man, Brian Elliot, with something other than your love and devotion at Jax Bar and Grill in Glendale.
43. Mix and match your meat with her marinara while watching talented jazz trio, The Eric Ekstrand Trio, at the world famous Columbo's in Eagle Rock.
42. Dinner and a movie? How about drinks and music with Jeremiah at Culver City's Cinema Bar.
41. Texas-born American jazz musician, Steve Tyrell, brings a taste of Texas heat to the Catalina Bar and Grill in Hollywood.
40. You can leave your pirate hat on, but you won't get any service without any shoes at the Redwood Bar and Grill featuring musicals talents like Phil Alvin, Frank Fairfield, and Lucky Otis.
39. Joe's Great American Bar and Grill in Burbank is hosting a special V-Day version of Dance at Joe's.
38. You know the theory: People who can dance are excellent lovers. Test that out at The Foxxhole at The Conga Room.
37. Reach a jazz crescendo with the East Valley Jazz Sextet at The Coffee Gallery Backstage in Altadena.
36. On a Top Ramen budget? Take your musically-minded partner-in-impoverishment to Guitar Center in Hollywood to create your own sweet music.
35. Rumor has it that the lovely ladies at karaoke dive bar, The Smog Cutter, in Silverlake are experts at massage technique, especially the ones that involve lotion and Neil Diamond.
34. Head down to Venice Beach and have the world-famous guitarist on rollerskates, Harry Perry, serenade your baby with a beachy balladeer.
33. Pop your jazz and blues V-card at Harvelle's for a little soulful seduction with Gedina.
32. Get down with KCRW's Mario Cotto at Skinny's Lounge with a well-built partner who is truly ready for your jelly.
31. You may have graduated from the School of Hard Knocking Boots, but The Jack Quartet will give you a lesson or two in string theory at the Colburn School of Music in Downtown Los Angeles.
30. Bring out your inner sophisticate with the Grammy-winning classical violin playing of Joshua Bell at the Carpenter Performing Arts Center in Long Beach.
29. Los Angeles is brimming with gorgeous, racially-ambiguous couples so that your favorite ethnic hybrid to see some up-and-coming singer-songwriters at the appropriately named Genghis Cohen.
28. Prove your masculinity knows no bounds, even when exposed to the weep-worthy alto of Stefani Valadez at the Talking Stick in Venice.
27. Sugary-sweet indie-folk group, John Heart Jackie, will have all of Hotel Cafe moving to first base in no time.
26. Redondo Beach's regular blues-band three-piece, The Andy Walo Trio, take on Valentine's Day.
25. Start your own make-out club with sex-drenched electro-pop pleasure-purveyors, Robotonists, playing at the Silverlake Lounge.
24. As the bouncing baby boy of a bossa nova hitmaker, Kurt Reichenbach knows a thing or two about babymakin' tunes and gives you some lessons at upscale Italian family joint, Vitello's in Studio City.
23. Want to live the champagne life with mediocre-caviar dreams? Take your classy little lassie to see jazzy vocal phenom, Barbara Morrison, at the Vibrato Grill in fancy-free Bel-Air.
22. Sometimes we have to give ourselves a “helping hand” with our endeavours in love, although in the case of Monday night at The Short Stop, it's more like giving the DJ a helping hand by bringing your own iPod.
21. Don't be chicken with your bluesy-punky hipster cutie. Take her to the Echo to see local up-and-coming residency band, Slang Chickens.
20. Into role play? Deck out in your best rock star and groupie costumes with your one-night-stand-to-be, while you do a little raunchy headbanging to Steel Panther at the House of Blues.
19. Kill two smooth jazz birds with one groovy stone: Pick up some hot, rich, lonely cougars and enjoy the dulcet tones of Kenny G. and Michael Bolton at the 94.7 The Wave's Valentine's Date.
18. If you don't already have a crush this Valentine's Day, one listen (and look) at soulful singer-songwriter chanteuse, Goapele at The Troubadour, and you will consider serenading her with your own love-fueled madrigals.
17. Maybe you can't afford a diamond for your baby, but you can probably afford to see Fantastic Diamond (a Neil Diamond cover band) at The Canyon in Agoura Hills.
16. Bring your protection to Saint Rocke's premiere bitter singles event, Love Bites, with DJ Mikey V and The Young Guns.
15. Although red is the unofficial color of Valentine's Day, you won't be seeing red or be in the red with a free show at The Satellite to see local band indie band, Red Cortez.
14. Jazz it up at KJAZZ's champagne brunch with one of the city's most hauntingly-iconic hotels, the Renaissance.
13. Instead of just popping in some Luther Van Dross and lighting some cinnamon-scented Glades at home, check out Terry Steele's tribute to Luther V at Spaghettini Rotisserie & Grill in Seal Beach.
12. If you've got the juevos, put your money where your mariachi is at a special Valentine's Day show at Mama Juana's in Studio City.
11. Get sax-y with sultry Mexico City-born saxophonist, Javier Vergara, at Left Coast Wine Bar and Gallery in Glendale.
And, for the Top 10 Things to do on V-DAY:
10. With the kind of delicious jazz vocals that would sooth the most broken of hearts, blond bombshell Jules Day will be croonin' the night way at Claremont's Hip Kitty.
9. Let your soul flag fly with jazzed-out Jersey boy and current Grammy nominee, Eric Roberson, at The Conga Room.
8. There is no woman worse than a stripper scorned, so visit your favorite naked ladies at Cheetah's with the accompaniment of some ribald rock 'n roll by bands like Holy Fuck Sunday, Snake Tits, Johnny Cheapo, and Charlie Confidential.
7. Watch a big fat bass get slapped by the legendary John Heard and his music-making minions at the Valley's jazz gem, Charlie O's.
6. Don't get the V-Day blues. Dish out some dollars for a fancy prix fixe dinner accompanied by some red-hot Cajun tunes at Hermosa Beach's Cafe Boogaloo.
5. Hit your baby with some whiskey-flavored kisses and some mellow jazz tones with The Richard Glasser band at Angel's in Santa Monica. Maybe you will get your ivories tickled later.
4. John Lennon and Ono were the quintessential adorable couple. Take your girlfriend/groupie/manager-until-break-up to the John Lennon exhibit at the Grammy Museum and teach her a lesson about co-dependency.
3. Hollywood's Supperclub Art of Love event plans to ply you and your date with champagne, a sexy set of music, food-fueled teasing and some gastronomical aphrodisiacs.
2. The silky-smooth tongue-flexing of Libra Scale's R&B soothsayer, Ne-Yo at the Nokia Theatre, might tip the scales in your favor for a little tongue-flexing of your own.
1. Get groovy and maybe get your hippie honey to reach the Big O with the sweet, kushed-out tones of folk-songstress Jenny O. at the Bootleg Theater.