Jamye WaxmanIs porn a problem?
It's a loaded question, one that can, like impressive pornstar Nick Manning, drop loads of feelings around the term dropping loads. When I hear this question (which I get often from journalists and others), they're not generally referring to problems with the business of porn, or the lack of workers' rights in the industry.
For most civilians (a term used to refer to people who don't work in the porn industry by people who do), these aren't the issues getting under their skin. The problem, for most of us, is in asking if porn is the problem in a relationship.
I think that problem comes from how people view porn, as in, out in the open or secretly, at 3 a.m. when they think their partner is sleeping.
For starters, let's replace the word porn with golf, gaming or shopping. Like porn, shopping, video games and golf provide ecstatic experiences for over-indulgers. So, is golf a problem? Are video games a problem? Is shopping a problem? Perhaps.
Do you ever secretly play video games? Did you ever hide something you bought? Did you ever sneak out to enjoy a game of golf? Anything that becomes an obsessive part of one's being is a problem.
But porn can also be a solution. Combine it with communication and consent, porn allows fantasy to flow forth from our screens. And this fantasy allows couples to do it differently, or again, for the first time in a while. Don't deny it; we all have our dry spells.
There are all kinds of problems with porn – both regarding consumption and ethics – but people's real problem with porn is more of an issue with communication. A wife watches her husband watching porn and gets upset with him for not coming to her for sex. Or she thinks because he's watching porn he's over her, or he's a pervert.
But would you assume your partner is a spy because he watches James Bond marathons or the Food Network when you're not around?
Regardless, let's look at some of the real problems with porn.
1. Unrealistic Ass Penetration (aka Automatic Butt Sex)
Ass penetration depicted is about as real as her leather boots. Oh, you weren't looking at her boots?
On the screen, pornstars look like they enter an ass without lube or concern for size or hygiene. While these professionals can take it like a champ, they generally have a routine for making it easy on the ass. Prior to said butt sex, pornstars clean out their bums, whether with enemas or warm water douches, sometime before each scene. They may even hang around set wearing a butt plug for pleasure and for “ass”istance later on. And they use lots of lube – they just apply it off camera.
2. Ass-to-Mouth (aka ATM)
How many licks does it take to get to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention?
ATM is defined as the withdrawal of an object (penis, sex toy, finger) from the ass and depositing it in the mouth. Hello unsanitary. This isn't a practice that should be tried anywhere really, but because porn professionals flush so much out of their system, if anyone is going to attempt this feat at home let it be one of those professionals through your computer or TV.
3. No Foreplay
Yelling “Surprise!” is not foreplay.
It's difficult to get pornstars to kiss when they're paid to fornicate because kissing often is an intimate act that they keep to themselves. Unfortunately that gives viewers hoping to learn a trick or two the impression that foreplay – including kissing, teasing and non-genital touching – isn't necessary to get her aroused.
4. Using Saliva (Spit) as Lube
Spitters are hit-it-and-quit-it-ers.
There's nothing wrong with this, per se, as spit is a natural lubricant, but what's not right is how often we seen it used as the only lube on the block. Besides, for some of us, hocking a loogie onto a vagina simply isn't a sexy act. Don't forget the wonders that a dollop of water-based (or even flavored!) lube can do for vigorous penetration – especially when it comes to the back door. Read more about lube and how to choose the best kind here.
5. Safety
Better safe than celibate.
The pornstars on the screen might be going bareback and you might find that sexy. But keep in mind that regardless of their required STD tests each month they're putting their health at risk each time a penis enters anywhere without a condom on it.
And chances are you and your partner aren't following pornstar protocol and getting tested regularly and maintaining monogamy. So please wear a condom. It's just smart sex.
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